Completely Seriously

We watched two of the best episodes of Netflix’s Dark Tourist. David Farrier’s new travel show is Dark Reservations, but with murder, death and racists on the menu.

We’ve all heard of Ted Bundy. But Ann Rule actually knew Ted Bundy. Welcome to our first Completely Seriously book club. Dive with us into Rule’s iconic Stranger Beside Me.

This week we, surprise, interrupt and scream at each other about Netflix’s latest original movie “Extinction.” You’ll laugh with us, cry with us and scream at whomever made us watch this movie with us. Come for Michael Peña, stay because Joseph won’t let us leave.

We four priests of the church of Paddington breakdown both our holy texts Paddington and Paddington 2. We laugh, make Marisa cry and really delve into what it means to be human.

This week, we get into shrinkage, quantum hygiene, truth serum, FBI agents moonlighting as youth pastors. We saw Ant-Man and the Wasp and we break down all the shrinky dinky fun.

On our most problematic episode to date, we tackle everyone’s favorite tiny Avenger and the sad state of America’s justice system.

Listen up, Peaches, we watched the confusingly titled Call Me By Your Name. On this episode we break down what works and what doesn’t work with this movie and whether or not Armie Hammer is the most handsome kaiju.

If Shakespeare wrote a volleyball movie without volleyball or elements of good romantic comedies, you’d get Set It Up. We’re talking rich New York d*cks, poor New York d*cks, and we break down the inescapable economic pressures that created them.

This week, we talk about demons. We talk about Toni Collette’s sublime acting. We talk about headless birds. We saw the “scariest movie of all time” Hereditary.

Four adults - severely into their adulthoods - watch a movie intended for teens. There’s laughs. There’s tears. There’s problematic implications for gender politics. We came for the Kissing Booth and stayed for the Tuppen.

On this week’s episode, we tone down the goofs and japes and crack open the can of worms that is the craziest, most tragic bank heist of the early aughts.

On this episode, we ask ourselves questions like did Nicholas Sparks write this movie? Can two boring, white people find love in a tropical paradise? How about on a treacherous sea? We wrap it up by playing everyone’s favorite game “Which Skarsgård brother is best?” And yes, there is a correct answer.

On this week’s episode, we learn why you don’t invite grief on your friend adventure in the wilds of Sweden. We also learn to never go into random woods, random abandoned cabins or go out of sight of the local IKEA. We watched the Netflix original The Ritual and found what it really means to be friends and victims of a bastard son of Loki, the trickster god.

In honor of Memorial Day we watched the movie that, inexplicably, got Rian Johnson the job directing “Star Wars: The Last Jedi.” On this episode, we talk “Looper,” future and double future time travel science, the implications of time paradox sexuality and what happens when you use a child’s toy as a bootycall bat signal.

On this episode, we talk Wookiees, Calrissians, Darths-both Vader and Maul and how all the Skywalkers are trash. That’s right, we watched  “Solo: A Star Wars Story,” and that means spoilers, hurt feelings, arguments and Joseph’s new persona Opulent Savage.

On today’s episode, The ancient trickster god Jose tries to derail the episode from the jump. We also talk about a foul mouthed, croc wearing, pop culture referencing Canadian with a heart of gold and samurai swords of rage. Enjoy.

When it comes to kinky sex, there are three rules: 1) Always have a safe word, 2) Never follow your secret BDSM enthusiast lover/husband to a second location, 3) never, EVER give a stray dog Kobe beef worth $200 a portion. We watched the Netflix original Stephen King adaptation Gerald’s Game, and we explore our own hidden, sexual desires. Finally, we ask the question, “Is Carla Gugino single, and is she into dumpy sad sacks with no prospects?”

What does a glove wearing, purple faced, gilled chin space Hitler want with a bunch of gem stones that look like the graduation gift of a velvet bag filled with those gift shop rocks your cheap aunt got you? It’s more than ridding the universe of Avengers, humans, aliens and run-on sentences. Tune in to find out.

Remember that episode of The Office where Jim and Pam hid in the woods from noise cancelling monster demons? No? Then you must have watched A Quiet Place like we did. On this episode, we ask the burning questions, “What about noisy poops?” and “At what point do you leave it all behind and live next to a waterfall?”

This week, we watch the first episode of Frankenstein Chronicles. If you ever asked yourself the questions “What would a bunch of dead kids look like all stitched together?” or “How quietly can Sean Bean speak?” this podcast is the one for you.