Delight Your Marriage

Consider this: you might be more like Paul than you realize. Yes, Paul—the apostle whose praises were so powerful they shook prison walls, and who found joy even in his suffering. What could you possibly have in common with him? Well, Paul had a thorn in his side. A persistent struggle that he begged God to remove. I’m willing to bet there’s a thorn in your side too—something you’ve desperately asked God to take away. Whether it’s sexual sin, pride, greed, jealousy, or anger, this thorn is your personal struggle. I am here to tell you: Embrace the thorn in your side. This might sound counterintuitive, but in your weakness, God’s strength is made perfect. The thorn is there for a reason. God has given it to you to keep you humble, to remind you that you’re not in control of everything, and to draw you closer to Him. How do folks often respond to their (God-given) thorns? Disassociate. Disown. Disregard. Disassociating yourself from these struggles—especially the deep ones like hidden addictions—can be perilous

We want to share an inspiring story about Karl, a widower who experienced profound loss when his first wife passed away in 2020. Since then, he’s rebuilt his life with a new marriage to his lovely wife Rachel and a vibrant blended family of six children.  At first, their new life together seemed to be falling into place beautifully, but just nine months into their marriage, an unexpected challenge arose. Due to circumstances beyond their control, pornography was inadvertently introduced into their home through one of their children’s devices. This incident outside of their control ignited a series of conflicts, tension and bitterness.   As a pastor, he realized if he lost his marriage, everything, every thing in his life was at stake. Through a series of unusual events, Karl learned of the success of Delight Your Marriage and decided to give it a try and fight for his marriage.  He took our free Clarity Call and described it as a “breath of fresh air” that gave true clarity. He was able to see how not only th

There’s a profound truth that can often be overlooked: love, in its truest form, is sustainably sacrificial. This means loving your spouse in a way that endures, even when it's challenging. If you're a spouse who is tempted towards apathy—losing hope and withdrawing—it can feel like a deep, unending chasm. This apathy might stem from various sources: exhaustion from the relentless demands of daily life, pride that blocks genuine connection, unforgiveness that creates barriers, or perhaps a combination of all these factors. Whatever the reason, it’s crucial to recognize these signs before they evolve into a dangerous pattern that jeopardizes your relationship. There may be times when your spouse’s attempts to reach out (or lack thereof) seem ineffective or even hurtful. I encourage you to see beyond the surface and engage with the deeper purpose of marriage -- to make God proud of you. Remember, you’re not loving your spouse for a specific result; you’re doing it because you love God. That love for God will su

Perhaps the most heartbreaking situations I encounter are when one spouse becomes apathetic—losing hope—and decides to "pull the plug" on the relationship. When a spouse gives up hope, apathy sets in, leading them to consider divorce, an affair, or even a secret addiction because they feel their spouse isn’t meeting their needs. I may not fully understand all the dynamics that have brought your marriage to its current state, but my hope is that you recognize the warning signs before apathy takes hold. LISTEN to your spouse’s heartcry. Don’t let them lose hope because their attempts to communicate with you have been ignored. Yes, their communication may have been ineffective—perhaps controlling, critical, or accusatory—but underneath it all, they are expressing a hurt that you are overlooking. If you ignore it long enough, they may stop hoping things will change. Tragically, this can lead to apathy and the potential destruction of your marriage. As a marriage coach who genuinely cares, I urge you: please d

We’re excited to bring you a story of a woman who was nearing the empty nester phase and, if she was really honest with herself, wasn’t looking forward to it at all. Her oldest had already left and grieving that separation added a strain on the marriage. Julie generally felt frustrated and unhappy and blamed her husband for the distance.  However, she did a very wise thing. She realized she is the only one who can change anything in the marriage by changing herself. She decided to take us up on our free Clarity Call offer and ended up feeling like she got a counseling session for free just by talking to our Clarity advisor.   Thankfully, she didn’t stop there and decided she wanted to join the program to gain the tools she needed to change everything in their connection. Which is exactly what happened. She started out feeling that she and her husband were opposites and maybe weren’t even meant to get along. And thank God, through this work, she discovered her husband is a man who is actually complementary, sh

Hello everyone! I hope you all have had a good week so far! For today’s podcast, we are doing something a little different! I wanted to give you an inside look on what a Coaching Call with us is like. Confidentiality is of the utmost importance to us, so you won’t hear any names or any confidential information, but you will get to hear some of my coaching and some good truths being shared. We wanted to give you an example of what it would look like to be on a Coaching Call with myself and a few of your fellow peers. Based on the men's questions, we cover a few important insights directed at men specifically: Embrace humility in your identity as a believer. Pursue sexual purity and healing. Stay connected—accountability is a choice. Lead your wife with courage; it’s what she desires. Guide your family spiritually with practical ideas and encouragement. If you are wanting encouragement, coaching, and want to seek out Truth and encouragement for your marriage, we hope you’ll consider joining the prog

What if I told you that you have influence? That you don't need to have a podcast or a church or a book or a social media following. That right now, in this moment, you have the power to influence the lives of others, especially your spouse. Every day we have the power to influence the life of our spouse. We have the power to show them who they are in Christ by loving them the way Jesus loves them. When we make their day great just by the tiny interactions we have with them throughout the day, we are influencing them in a dramatic way. It is affecting their life and their potential to follow Jesus more closely! Or we can discourage them. We can complain and criticize and tear them down- even if we don't mean to. We have the power to completely make or break our spouses' day because of the relationship we have with them. If we're so focused on ourselves and our own needs not being met, we are negatively influencing them and likely pushing them away from Jesus on that day, week, year and eventually... their lif

We are thrilled to be sharing Joel's Transformation Story with you today! After 28 years of marriage, Joel felt disconnected from his wife. He was unsure of what to do and or where the disconnection was coming from. In searching for answers, he spoke with his sister about it and was introduced to the DYM podcast. After a few episodes and some topics really hitting home, he signed up for the Clarity Call and was accepted into the Masculinity Reclaimed course.  Through the Course, not only did Joel begin to see a change in his marriage - with the reconnection he had longed for, more playfulness, and a better understanding of how to love his wife well - but his wife even began adding his Coaching Calls to their calendar! She was THAT impressed by the changes!  We hope this transformation story inspires you and reminds you that the work that you do for your marriage does matter.   Love,   Belah & Team   PS - If you are looking to reconnect with your spouse, learn how to love them better, or figure out just ho

Maybe you've been incredibly successful in your business pursuits. You're the kind of guy who sees a target, attacks the target and brings home the game. And year after year every chart goes up and to the right. But unfortunately, what you have done that got you great success in business is what has actually torn down what you have wanted to build. I mostly focus on men in this episode because I find they often need this sort of clarification of how God designed marriage.  The truth: marriage is extremely different than business :) A businessman might see a problem and want to fix it, when he uses the same tools that have made him successful in business with his wife...  It drives her away. It makes her feel she's not good enough. Or it causes her to grow cold towards him. The strategies that work in growing your business, conversing with coworkers, or motivating your employees will not be the things that work in the closer, intimate relationship you have with your spouse. So, if you feel you're throwing pun

Listening is a superpower. It makes people feel heard and safe and brings down defenses. It lets them know they are cared for. In today's society, it can be hard to have a conversation without wanting to defend a point in disagreement or wanting to make sure your opinion is heard, as well. It's even worse when this seeps into your marriage. Today we are going to be talking about how to have a productive disagreement without losing connection, how to stay on the same team (even when you think your spouse is totally wrong!), and how to be a curious and compassionate listener, even in the midst of disagreement. We hope this episode blesses you and leads to many wonderful, deep conversations and a deeper understanding and connection with your spouse. Love, Belah & Team PS - You can find the Marital Health Assessment mentioned in today's podcast here: https://delightyourmarriage.com/health/. PPS - If you're thinking this listening stuff is great for someone else, but not you and your spouse- they never listen,

In honor of Darcy's anniversary this week, I wanted to re-release this episode! I’m excited to share that my wonderful friend Darcy is here to share her story and advice for you! She is actually our wonderful Office Manager, and she reads all of your emails and prays for all of those who are suffering and in such difficulty in their marriages. She often weeps for you, listeners, and she truly, truly cares about you and feels your pain for those of you who are in need of hope. Her conversation today reflects what God has done in her and what she prays He does in you. The rest of this message are from Darcy: — Thank you, Belah, for giving me this opportunity.   God is doing and has done so many amazing things and what an honor to testify of His power, love, and goodness! *“Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name, I will lift up my hands.” Ps. 63:3-4   I pray that God speaks to and encourages many weary hearts through this podc

For the past 30 years, she has tried everything to try and connect with her husband. It left her feeling lonely inside her own marriage. Tanya is a woman who feels deeply. She is wired to feel the world and those around her in a deep, empathetic way. But this is not the way her husband was wired. Since the beginning of their marriage, Tanya has felt a disconnect and a dismissal of her emotions.  Her husband went looking for marriage help and found the Delight Your Marriage podcast. Through the podcast, he was inspired to join the men's program and that is when their marriage really began to change. She was shocked when she noticed he started listening more intently, he became more tender, and they would go on walks in the park holding hands together- something that had been missing since their dating days. This inspired Tanya to do the women's program and "jump in with both feet", willing to let this program change her the way it had changed her husband. Now, their marriage has flourished. Tanya never thought

Clarity is a Christian's speciality.  Amidst a confused culture, a clear understanding of God's word is what we need.  If you're a husband, I invite you to consider how Jesus led and what the Bible says about a husband's leadership in the family.  If you're a wife, I invite you to hear what a man can be (really) so you are happy to be led.  My story started without good role modeling.  And then I tried to "submit" and it was soul crushing.  Then I decided I would NOT submit, and it was stressful, frustrating, and deeply painful.  Then I discovered God's way  (though I still make mistakes at times), and it has made both my husband and I flourish.  I can lead in many, many ways outside of our family -- but I love that in our home I am not the leader. My husband is trustworthy and good to me and our children.  I hope you can catch a vision of what it can mean for you as a man or a woman to empower the right order of family.  We are to be a light on a hill for the non-believers.  I hope you'll curiously seek to g

We have all felt the frustration and disappointment of doing our best to do the right thing and life still does not go the way we thought.    For 28 years, Stephen was a faithful husband to his wife. There were no drugs or alcohol or pornography. They raised two kids in a Christian home. From the outside, everything looked like it should be going right. But within their marriage, they were falling apart. Stephen felt emotionally and physically abandoned by his wife and didn’t know what to do.   After desperately searching “Sexual Intimacy” on Google in hopes of finding some answers, Stephen stumbled upon Delight Your Marriage. After the first podcast episode, he knew this was what the Lord had for him. He was shocked that after signing up, exactly what he had been praying for came to pass... his wife greeted him with open arms, a smile, and a “How was your day?” followed by a passionate night!   Stephen had to do his work on himself. It wasn't easy and he had to have faith that God could change it all. And He

By the end of this episode, I hope you'll get this, men: Courage. Character. Restraint. What I really want to share is that if you want your wife to follow you and be turned on by you, cowardice isn't sexy... to say the least.   It's true that the "righteous are as bold as a lion". If you want to grow in courage you must grow in your character.   When you lie to yourself or to others, you are undermining your confidence and courage.    You are the leader of your home. Whether you feel that way or not, what you do (or don't do) creates the culture.    You are the first man your children ever see as a role model.  You are the first husband your wife has ever had.    You are their standard.  If you "follow" your father, and don't realize you're a leader, you will fall into the same issues he had.   But if you realize that you're a lion, you are a leader. You have the opportunity to do everything differently.    It starts with looking at your character.  It starts with not lying.    You must work on integrating a

 "Throughout all of history, it is clear that humans naturally are humble, self-sacrificial, and want to be of service to others" ...said no one, ever.    That is the right heart and mindset but it must be chosen and cultivated. When we look back at our lives the things we are most proud of are not what came easily. We are most proud of what was difficult, what took sacrifice and what was in service to something bigger than ourselves.  By nature, we don't want to do "hard". Easy SEEMS better in the short-term, but when we choose the hard, we look back and see a life of meaning and purpose.    As a wife, it's not easy to reject the lies that society feeds us nowadays, here are a few: Lie - "Men and women are the same" The problem is if we're the same then we'll expect to give and receive love the same way. So, if a wife doesn't need sex to feel loved, she'll be bitter that her husband can't live without it. The truth sets us free. And the truth is men and women are designed differently -- equal in value and di

When you see everyone else has great intimacy except you, how can you survive?  How can you live without this vital need being met (as God even designed it)?  I hear you. It's painful.  It really is.    In this conversation, I hope you will feel encouraged and supported and also feel that God does care and there is direction. Blessings,  Belah   PS - Do you want to improve your marriage? Do you want to see a move of God in your own life and in the life of your spouse, family, and friendships? We want to help you. Check out this link to schedule a free Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "[Before the Masculinity Reclaimed program], I was stuck in the sin of self pity.  We were not enjoying each other's company. Our youngest two children were noticing, and it was not the examples we wanted to be showing them. [After the MR program], I have become more thankful. I learned to focus on the positives. I have learned to become a better listener. I understand my wife

If you're discontent... If you feel you've been praying against a cement ceiling... If you've actually felt disappointed in life and at God... Or maybe it's less severe, you're going through the motions in life but something feels "off"...   I want you to know that your discontentment is something to pay attention to.   God does come in dreams and visions (sometimes) but often he leads us by our feelings.  And my wonder for you is are you paying attention?  Are you considering the feeling of "discontentment" as something a - outside of you in your world needs to change or b - something about you in your inner world needs to change   God gives us opportunities to change all the time. Change the way we think, the way we are, the way we understand the world.    You don't need to assume this is as good as it gets and that we're not going to be able to do anything to make it better.   I think God wants us to take Him at His word "we are more than conquerors" and stand on our own feet and decide to impro

A man of God, in ministry, spreading the gospel, and without even realizing it, he had allowed his marriage to slip into a transactional relationship.  After being married for nearly thirty years, Mark saw in himself that he was starting to become more grouchy, their connection waned, and his wife’s physical desire changed as she began to go through menopause. Their four children were “launching well” but would soon be completely out of the house – changing the home dynamic completely.  All of this put a strain on their marriage. They were now in uncharted territory and he knew he needed help. Mark felt he needed to lead as the man, but just didn’t know how. He had been considering the men’s program for about a year and finally decided to move forward. Through the program, we were able to help shed light to remove the things that were straining his marriage - going from transactional to selfless- and give him the tools to connect with his wife, even in the midst of all their changes.  He finally felt he had t

Tom felt like his marriage was good, but knew it could be better. His wife was his best friend, but he was craving romance and passion in their marriage.   After stumbling upon Delight Your Marriage through a Google Search and taking our free Marital Health Assessment, he realized that the marriage he thought was “good” was actually only just “okay” and ended up scoring a 5 out of 10 in the Marital Health Assessment (delightyourmarriage.com/health).    He knew it was time for a change, so he signed up, hoping his wife would take the course at some point. Because that’s what needs to happen… right? ;)    Well, Tom found out, like all of our MR Graduates do, that change begins with ourselves.    And as he took the course and began to implement the principles, he in fact, did see a change in his wife!    She became more flirty and playful and the romance and passion that Tom had been wanting finally happened in their marriage after 4 decades!    All because he decided to take the leap, take the Delight Your Marr