Your Day And Your Life Unstuck With Sherry Essig

In order to not sell yourself short, you have to take a stand for yourself. That’s not always easy. Taking a stand for yourself is an act of courage … and an act of love. To confidently and authentically take a stand for yourself, you have to believe you deserve it. And that takes some serious self-love.

When goals become an all-or-nothing proposition – black and white, success or failure – you’ve set yourself up to never start, quit too soon, and end up feeling worse than if you’d simply started the year without them. Whatever’s on your goal list this year, here are five suggestions to help you stay on track, get back on track if you derail, and navigate your year as smoothly as possible.

Your ability to create the life you want is 100% correlated to your willingness to regularly expand your comfort zone. And you can’t stretch your comfort zone without expanding your capacity for discomfort. Both are an act of courage. We’re all braver than we think!

Years ago I finally got tired of schlepping stress around over the holidays. So now, in addition to my shopping list, I also have a stress-reducing/how-do-I-want-to-show-up list. What’s on your holiday stress-reduction list? If you don’t have one, feel free to use my ten.

I’m certain you’ve achieved challenging goals. Yes, that’s plural. And like most of us, you’ve probably had a second kind of experience - working towards something you want, but never gaining traction and feeling like you’re pushing a boulder up a hill. If you’re in the midst of a going-nowhere goal, here are six questions that can help you get unstuck and moving forward with what you want to create.

Any time you start to start to push out of your comfort zone, fear can flare up. We all run into walls of what if, who am I to, or I can’t take the risk. We flee to or hunker down in, what feels safe/comfortable, the equivalent of Jasper seeking the safety of a lap. We bounce between I wish I could, I can’t, I should, I will, I won’t, and I’ll try, adding indecision and judgment to the emotional stew. Adding one final ingredient to the stew, we convince ourselves that the only way to move forward is to vanquish fear. All of which is a perfect recipe for staying stuck. The next time (or right now!) you’re stuck in fear and indecision, here are six steps to help you get unstuck and moving forward.

When I started my business 25 years ago, I had no idea my business would be one of my greatest teachers. During those years I’ve stretched and grown, fallen down and picked myself back up, made choices I never would have thought I’d be brave enough to make, and been lucky to work with incredible clients and colleagues. In celebration of 25 years in business, I’d like to share the 25 most powerful lessons I’ve learned – the ones that have helped me be more courageous and resilient, bolder, and have had the greatest impact on my success and happiness.

Even if you never find yourself standing at the edge of a physical cliff, deciding between following your friends versus taking a different path, the reality is that you’re likely to bump into similar choices in everyday life. When you’re ready to make a bold move, pursue a dream, set new boundaries, show up authentically, stand in your power, or any other scenario in which you feel pulled between what you want and what everyone/anyone else thinks, you’re standing at the edge of a metaphorical cliff.

Truth is, most bold professional moves don’t actually start with a leap, but with a series of small steps and lots of practice. Whatever your bold move (new job, get promoted, shine in current role/business, show up differently, take a leap, transition to your next career step or professional move … if it feels bold to you, then it’s a bold move!), how do you know when NOW is the time to get started?

One of the many things I love about yoga is that virtually everything I practice on my yoga mat is just as relevant in my daily life. Awareness Making conscious choices Managing my mind monkeys (just as hard on my mat as in the other parts of my life!) Staying with discomfort (ditto) Noticing my stories about what I can and can’t do (triple ditto!)

My business and I recently celebrated our 24-year anniversary! Mind-boggling. I can tell the story of the last 24 years in a way that sounds like a lovely straight line. But in reality, it’s been more like a loop-de-loop, with stretches of straight lines and periods of two steps forward, one back, and another one sideways. And every one of those steps has been a necessary part of this amazing journey.

Growing up in Southern California, my childhood summers involved endless hours in the pool and several years on a local swim team. (My siblings and I were part fish :-).) My last year on the team included the high dive. It was a bazillion feet high and filled me with terror. I could have opted out, but no one else did and my 12-year-old self didn’t want to be a baby. Somehow I found the courage to climb that towering ladder week after week, but I was never brave enough to actually dive.

It is never inappropriate to be who you are. Not ever. I rarely speak in such absolutes, but when it comes to the appropriateness of you being you, I’d shout from the rooftops if that would help you hear me. This doesn’t mean you’ll never feel like you need to be someone you’re not. There will be people or situations that hit a button and boom! you’ll be convinced it’s necessary to be someone other than yourself. That’s what happened to my client Kim, when she was promoted to senior vice-president of marketing.

Sixty-four years ago Roger Bannister did the impossible: he became the first athlete to run a mile in under four minutes. Okay, so it wasn’t impossible ;-). But the prevailing belief back then, including amongst the medical community, was that a sub-four-minute mile wasn’t humanly possible. Roger Bannister believed differently. On May 6, 1954 he ran a 3:59.4 minute mile.

If I knew my passion I’d take more risks, be bolder, go full throttle. If I knew my path, nothing would get in my way of walking that path. I hear these sentiments a lot. And I get it; there was a time when I felt exactly the same way. It’s not crazy thinking! We’re always more likely to be bold when it’s in service of something we deeply want.

In the last few days I’ve had three clients declare that they’re done with selling themselves short. While the same themes always come up with my clients, I’m not sure I’ve ever heard the exact same words in such a short timeframe. Add to the mix that exactly four years ago I wrote an article on the exact same topic, I decided the universe was sending me a message. Clearly, this is an article that bears repeating :-).

When my friend Jennifer signed up for ballroom dance lessons in early 2017, she wasn’t expecting to end the year with a ballroom-sized life lesson. Dance lessons had been on Jennifer’s bucket list for years. But she’d never given herself permission to take action – to find a studio, sign up for a class, and to go solo if necessary. That changed a year ago. Fresh off a recovery from back surgery, Jennifer showed up at the Savannah Ballroom Dance Studio for her first lesson. And she quickly fell in love with the place, the people, and the dancing.

I’ll come clean right up front: I’m not a fan of them. Most New Year’s resolutions are a distant memory by the end of January. That’s because they tend to be vague, “should”-driven, unrealistic, and / or a mash-up of unrelated aspirations. Like this: You’re going to supercharge your productivity levels, get in amazing shape, become an organizing genius, volunteer more, start meditating, learn a new language, be more patient, and leap tall buildings in super-cute shoes. Okay, I’m exaggerating a wee bit, at least about the super-cute shoes and tall buildings :-). But it’s not that far out of the ballpark, right?

When we adopted her she was five years old, and had already blown through her nine lives (the number normally allotted to cats). She then proceeded to conjure up another dozen+, five of them in the last two years of her miraculously long 18-year life. And in spite of all the challenges she faced – or maybe because of them – she was pure sweetness and the most relaxed cat I’ve ever encountered. I had a fairly consistent gratitude practice going before Gems arrived in my life. But she gets much of the credit for turning my practice into a habit that became so ingrained I could do it in my sleep.

For years my perfectionist ran the show. Of course, I saw it differently: I was responsible, committed, and had high standards. And that was true. But what I didn’t see were the obstacles my perfectionist threw in my path. My quest to make everything perfect was stressful, time consuming, and unachievable. I worked way too much because I never made the connection that “good enough” would take less time and would be … well, plenty good. And my deep desire to make a career change was stuck in the “I wish” stage because I had no time, energy, or mind space left to do the work of figuring out what I really wanted to do professionally. And then one day a light bulb came on: the ONLY common denominator in all of my experiences was me – which included my perfectionist. Gulp.