School Of Schlock

Hot Girl Summer is over and we've fully transitioned into Crime Girl Fall! We have a film showing young ladies falling to the dark side due to drugs. But will this exploitation flick end badly for the bad ladies involved?  Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss silent starts, 10 minute piano solos, and teaching others the correct way to do heroin. It's our review of the sleazy and salacious Girl Gang! Time Stamps: 0:04:10 - Background 0:13:10 - Summary 0:22:20 - Notable Scenes 0:26:50 - The Good 0:31:20 - The Bad 0:43:30 - The Ugly

Spider-Man has to stop a plot to commit both murder and international industrial espionage! Yes, really! And he even has to travel to Hong Kong to do it! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about spidey senses, ill-fitting supersuits, and why this film's title feels incredibly deceptive. Swing on in for our review of Spider-Man: The Dragon's Challenge!   Time Stamps: 0:03:05 - Background 0:24:30 - Summary 0:35:35 - Notable Scenes 0:42:00 - The Good 0:48:10 - The Bad 0:59:30 - The Ugly

NEW EP! Can some parachuting jet pilots rescue a scientist trapped behind enemy lines? Will the Russian double-agent be a help or a hindrance? Will we fall asleep watching this movie? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about all of this, as well as double features, recognizable actors, and how not to plan an infiltration of the enemy. It's our review of Jet Attack!   Time Stamps: 0:04:10 - Background 0:23:40 - Summary 0:36:15 - Notable Scenes 0:42:05 - The Good 0:47:55 - The Bad 0:58:45 - The Ugly

A teenage boy must go back to the scene where his parents died to face his fears: specifically, his fear of giant, hungry lizards. Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss endangered species, sudden survivalism, and the mistreatment of psychiatry. It's our review of the 90's horror creature feature Komodo! Time stamps: 0:02:30 - Background 0:20:15 - Summary 0:28:45 - Notable Scenes 0:35:05 - The Good 0:37:40 - The Bad 0:49:20 - The Ugly

There's a mad doctor on the loose, and only two brave luchadoras (and some bumbling detectives) can bring him to justice! Join Tom and Ryan as they watch this early 60's Mexican adventure and discuss such pertinent topics as the positives and negative of predictability, how to save yourself from a spiked wall, and comparisons between the MCU and luchadore movies! Relax and enjoy our review of The Doctor of Doom! Time stamps: 0:04:10 - Background 0:13:25 - Summary 0:30:00 - Notable Scenes 0:41:00 - The Good 0:48:05 - The Bad 0:57:55 - The Ugly

Wesley Snipes stars as a CIA assassin in an action movie that puts us to sleep, then wakes us up with jarring editing and sound effects! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about action movie tropes, Bourne vs Shooter, and an over-armed British police force. It's our review of The Contractor!   Time stamps: 0:03:20 - Background 0:24:15 - Summary 0:37:40 - Notable Scenes 0:44:05 - The Good 0:47:40 - The Bad 1:07:25 - The Ugly

A runaway rocket is circling the Earth, destroying everything in its path! Can a brilliant nuclear physicist figure out a solution AND get married before it's too late? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about women scientists, alien visitors, and the complete annihilation of Canada. It's our review of The Lost Missile! Time stamps: 0:03:20 - Background 0:19:20 - Summary 0:31:10 - Notable Scenes 0:40:10 - The Good 0:49:45 - The Bad 1:01:45 - The Ugly

It's a special episode today as we pay respects to B-movie titan Roger Corman after his passing early last month. We're reviewing the last movie that Corman ever directed, a 1990 sci-fi horror film with some major starpower behind it. Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about Mary Shelley, the aesthetics of Frankenstein's monster, and the legacy of Roger Corman. It's our review of Frankenstein Unbound!   Time stamps: 0:03:25 - A Reflection on Roger Corman 0:17:05 - Background 0:30:00 - Summary 0:45:30 - Notable Scenes 0:52:50 - The Good 0:59:00 - The Bad 1:15:05 - The Ugly

We're ropin' some evil bloodsuckers out on the range with this Uwe Boll flick! Can the pseudo-vampire Rayne deal with an Old West town that's slowly being tranformed into vampires? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about shaky cameras, piles of tropes, and the importance of missing some shots in a gunfight. It's our review of BloodRayne II: Deliverance!   Time stamps: 0:04:05 - Background 0:20:20 - Summary 0:28:00 - Notable Scenes 0:33:35 - The Good 0:39:20 - The Bad 1:03:25 - The Ugly

We all know from horror media that studying something too closely and too obsessively can kill you. So when a young student sets out to New England for firsthand sources on witchcraft, it probably isn't going to go well! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about inns and hotels, retreading plot points and plot holes, and...Julius Caesar? Throw another witch on the fire and join us for our review of The City of the Dead!    Time stamps: 0:03:20 - Background 0:18:30 - Summary 0:38:55 - Notable Scenes 0:44:25 - The Good 0:50:35 - The Bad 1:09:20 - The Ugly

Sherlock Holmes is the most-represented literary character in media, so it was elementary that one day we would watch a film with the deductive detective. This time Holmes has to unravel an assassination that he suspects was orchestrated by his villainous arch-rival, Moriarty.  Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about logic, different interpretations of beloved characters, and flacid flashbacks. It's our review of The Triumph of Sherlock Holmes!   Time stamps: 0:02:30 - Background 0:18:00 - Summary 0:27:30 - Notable Scenes 0:33:45 - The Good 0:40:30 - The Bad 0:54:50 - The Ugly

It's time for another family-friendly 90s martial arts movie, but this one is really something special. Three kids are gifted the power of the Dragon and have to fight their way through an impressively bad piece of cinema! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about zen-filmmaking, Edward Said, and why kids, in general, deserve better.. It's our review of Pocket Ninjas!   Time stamps: 0:03:30 - Background 0:15:45 - Summary 0:25:40 - Notable Scenes 0:33:25 - The Good 0:35:55 - The Bad 0:57:00 - The Ugly

It's time for a 1970s sci-fi feature that tackles racism, bodily autonomy, and the best way to crash 10+ police cars. A doctor tries to save his own life by having his head attached to another man's body. What could go wrong? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about Get Out, Blues Brothers, and why needlepoint is for everyone. It's our review of The Thing with Two Heads!   Time stamps: 0:05:55 - Background 0:30:35 - Summary 0:43:25 - Notable Scenes 0:50:45 - The Good 0:54:25 - The Bad 1:02:25 - The Ugly

We're reviewing a kids' movie that is making us rethink our entire childhoods! Evil dinosaurs, giant ships, siblings that become one person, what isn't there to love? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk children's media, Mass Effect, dinosaur species, and suitmation. It's our review of Attack of the Super Monsters!   Time stamps: 0:04:00 - Background 0:19:35 - Summary 0:30:05 - Notable Scenes 0:32:40 - The Good 0:35:30 - The Bad 0:45:00 - The Ugly

Some movies seek to answer timeless questions, such as "Can an invincible knight find true love during the Crusades?" If you think the answer is yes, then give a listen to Tom and Ryan as they review an Italian fantasy romance and discuss such relevant topics as: Renaissance literature, elaborate costuming, and what it means to be a "visual philosopher." It's our review of Hearts and Armor!   Time stamps: 0:02:55 - Background 0:24:10 - Summary 0:35:55 - Notable Scenes 0:45:00 - The Good 0:51:35 - The Bad 1:03:50 - The Ugly

2023 somehow felt like it lasted 2 weeks and 10 years at the same time. But how did the movies we watched affect this time paradox? Which movie moment felt like it took forever? Which character would we most like to erase from history? And where does "zen filmmaking" fit into all of this? Find out in the 2023 Schlocky Awards!   Time Stamps: 0:05:40 - Explanation, Film List, and Lifetime Achievement Award 0:10:35 - Worst Character 0:54:05 - Worst Moment or Line 1:32:20 - Worst Visual 1:59:10 - Best Moment 2:20:40 - The 10 Worst Films of the Year

Happy Holidays! It's time for another Christmas-themed crowd-pleaser from the Hallmark Channel. And this time the film is brand new for this year! Can a Christmas-loving community survive some new neighbors who are hyper-competitive about the most wonderful time of the year? And will our heroine receive the Christmas proposal she so desires? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about Lacey Chabert, character actors, and that most festive of activities: Nickelback jokes! It's our review of Haul Out the Holly: Lit Up!   Time stamps: 0:06:20 - Background 0:23:20 - Summary 0:32:30 - Notable Scenes 0:42:05 - The Good 0:54:50 - The Bad 1:07:50 - The Ugly

There's an absolute Earthsaster happening as the entire world gets sucked through a wormhole! Can this problem be solved, or are we headed for an Earthpocalypse? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about modern film effects, comparisons to Lost and Terminator 2, and bloviating IMDB biographies. It's our review of Earthtastrophe!   Time stamps: 0:05:45 - Background 0:23:15 - Summary 0:38:50 - Notable Scenes 0:47:30 - The Good 0:53:20 - The Bad 1:11:15 - The Ugly

There's an war going on right under our feet, and nobody but the top brass know about it! Why did we waste all our time going to space when we should have gone...beneath the Earth? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about racist depictions, running from a nuclear blast, and small-scale large-scale warfare. It's our review of Battle Beneath the Earth!   Time stamps: 0:04:25 - Background 0:16:50 - Summary 0:29:35 - Notable Scenes 0:38:20 - The Good 0:44:50 - The Bad 1:01:40 - The Ugly

If you're still in the mood for Spooky Season, we have yet another Peter Cushing British horror film to keep the creeps coming. This time Cushing and Christopher Lee are dueling over a skeleton that seems intent on coming back to life! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about twist endings, vaccinations against evil, and what makes a B-movie worth watching. It's our review of The Creeping Flesh!   Time stamps: 0:04:30 - Background 0:24:50 - Summary 0:42:15 - Notable Scenes 0:55:35 - The Good 1:06:50 - The Bad 1:16:30 - The Ugly