Lylas Podcast

1997 was a big year for both film and celebrity deaths, according to Carly. One such movie was Jungle 2 Jungle, which answers the question: what would you get if you combined cultural insensitivity, Tim Allen’s overbearing cringey dad energy, and the iconic Harry Chapin song Cats in the Cradle? Tune in and find out if a busy wall street trader will ever learn how to make time for other people. Please also enjoy Mimisiku's sweet, beautiful face. Note: Carly and Allison were OBLIGATED to watch this movie.

For anyone who feels medieval drinking from a wine glass, this episode’s for you. The sisters return to finish their rewatch of It Takes Two, a Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen movie that Carly loved but was also glad that it wasn’t any longer than it already was. Allison is caught off guard by a list of food-based nicknames, Carly revisits her old dream journal and laments the lack of food fights in her life, and both sisters reminisce on the nostalgia of childhood modesty tank tops, where you wear a spaghetti strap tank top but have to wear another tank top with thicker straps underneath. A reward for listening to this episode: MINUTES of meaningful eye contact.

The sisters revisit It Takes Two, a movie that they ~aBsOlUtElY aDoReD~ when they were children. Unfortunately, they find themselves absolutely shocked by the unethical and inappropriate psychological nightmare presented in this film. But with death threats, poverty tourism, and adults with food names being overly familiar with children, they might have to rethink whether this iconic Olsen Twins staple deserves any praise at all. Also featuring: Carly's mysterious THIRD Olsen Twin conspiracy theory. BONUS: Take a drink any time someone mentions CAMP.

After successfully pounding Bonanza City in the butt, sisters Carly and Allison are ready for a new adventure… Season two/too/to/. To kick things off, the sisters revisit Strictly Ballroom, a movie that taught them how to move their feet to the beat of their hearts. A movie that taught them how to Pasodoble. A movie that unfortunately fell short in the Bogo-Pogo category. A movie that questioned Carly’s year spent in Chile and Spanish language skills. Perhaps we explore the film’s purpose, which may or may not be in support of an anti-colonialism narrative. We also identify the meaning behind this podcast’s second season… which may or may not be to review films with TO TOO TWO or 2 in the title.

The sistas who love ya pound Bonanza City in the butt... by their own butts. The pioneers are going back to the real world, so it's goodbye to Jonathan Karsh's fake hands, and the unpaid intern who operates them. Also, if that sauce isnt PIPING HOT, it's your head!!! HURRY!!! Also tune in at the end when we announce what  show we'll be tackling next!!!

Whether or not you heard the radio edit of Shaggy's hit single It Wasn't Me, or the explicit, unedited verse, we still LYLAS (love you like a sister, that is!). Time is running out for our pioneers, who learn this week about the homestead act of 1862. So snap your blanket in half and tune in for episode 12 of LYLAS -- only one more episode left of Kid Nation after this one! Do you believe that children are our future? (follow us on twitter for updates, anecdotes and general humor at @LYLASpod) Music: The Olsen Twins, Celine Dion, The Muppets, Warp 9, The Great British Bake Off, Khia, Michael Jackson, The Archies, Jason Derulo, Bosson, 30 Rock, The Who, Grease, Carl Sagan Audio: Kid Nation, Bridesmaids, Fiddler on the Roof, Sex and the City, Matilda "this is madness." "no, this is sparta." "no, this is too many cooks!"

Disregard our audio issues and tune in this week to learn about all the different ways we could think of to pleasure yourself with a dollar's worth of buffalo nickels (that's 20 nickels, for those of you who didn't go to Kumon). Carly is smarter, Jonathan Karsh is wanted by the FBI in no less than 33 states, and if Allison had a hand growing out of her belly button, let's just say she wouldn't walk around wearing crop tops. (follow us on twitter for updates, anecdotes and general humor at @LYLASpod) Music: The Olsen Twins, Celine Dion, Mase, Grease, Warp 9, Yakety Sax, The X Files, The Dixie Cups, The Archies, Chess (the musical), Kanye West, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend,  Audio: Kid Nation, Forged in Fire, Sandra Lee, Monty Python, Legally Blonde

Breaking news: Catcalling comes to Bonanza City! When 40 37 kids under 15 are supposed to rebuild a town from the ground up, it's only natural that sexism and misogyny rear their ugly heads, that same sexism and misogyny that destroyed the original Bonanza City. Throw your ponies out the window, it's another episode of Kid Nation! Only 3 more chances to rip this show a new butthole and watch our society destroy itself under the guise of building a town. Carly is smarter, Allison is older, and they're both sisters! (follow us on twitter for updates, anecdotes and general humor at @LYLASpod) Music: The Olsen Twins, Celine Dion, 30 Rock, Anita Ward, The Archies, Savage Garden, Will Smith, Little Eva, Grease, That's So Raven,   Audio: Kid Nation, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Titanic, Miss Congeniality, Arrested Development, Waiting for Guffman, Mean Girls, Sophia Wise, Catherine Tate, LYLAS podcast, 

This week, a pair of star crossed lovers are torn apart, a pair of enemies continue to be enemies, one child is revealed to be A WITCH, and sweet Robin baby Nathan gets displaced (spoiler alert, he thinks he's ALLERGIC TO DUST MITES, which just further correct my theory that he is, in fact, the pasty, sickly babyboy from The Secret Garden. Jonathan Karsh makes his underage charges haul rocks so they can get all hot and sweaty when they join him in a specially made trailer for relaxing times (make it suntory time). In other news, Carly's youtube account now only suggests other Kid Nation clips as related videos. Allison and Carly just want to remind you to teach your children not to get into vans with strangers, even if their furry hands are hilarious. (For more child safety tips, follow us on twitter for updates and anecdotes at @LYLASpod) featuring music by The Olsen Twins, The Archies, Fleetwood Mac, Beyonce, George Michael, and that funny pitchy Korean karaoke guy,  featuring audio from Kid Nation, Legally

This summary was going to be a clickbait headline that was supposed to pull you in and grip you tight, if not for the fact that Carly and Allison don't believe in clickbait. Instead, in the words of Lindsey Lohan as Elizabeth Taylor: "I'm bored! I'm so bored!" Bonanza City is so boring that children are literally dying in the streets on national television (circa 2007). The gurlz, the twisted sisterz, Carly and Allison are joined by Gabby **SUGAR** who came all the way up from Washington D.C. to tell us about a hot new invention you've probably seen on Shark Tank: Jonathan Karsh's Super Duper Weenie, aka the Penis Mightier. Markelle shows his love of Kangol, One-Tooth-Alex shows his lack of pop culture knowledge ("I don't know who Paris and Nicole are") and baby velcro Mallory throws her sister Olivia some shade, while Olivia plans to throw Anjay.... off a cliff. But don't worry: Nobody dies on Kid Nation! They just get really big boo boos. Also, apparently, both Romeo AND Juliet wear dresses in this town. Be

Bust out your bells and get ringing, because WE HAVE ANOTHER GUEST!! Insightful and all around funny person Liz Belsky (@lizbelsky) joins Carly and Allison to be blessed by a rainbow (real), celebrate the month of June (Joan!) and focus our laser pointed loathing at Carly's favorite Bonanzian, sweet Robin himself: NATHAN, the little laundry lord. While Carly respects his "sweet bomber jacket", Liz and Allison wouldn't mind seeing him fly out the moon door. Tempers flare, more children are shipped with each other (indigo girls, anyone?), and it's up to town counsel to decide what to do with the buried treasure they found under a sleeping Jonathan Karsh. Tune in to find out if pre-teen girls would let a homeschooled, maladjusted nine year old wash their dirty underwear on this week's episode of LYLAS: June! June! Joan!!! (Follow us on twitter for updates at @LYLASpod) Music from Leslie Uggams, The X-Files, Bruce Springsteen, LittleKuriboh, Q Lazarus, Celine Dion, 30 Rock, Bob Dylan (feat. Bill Murray), Janae Sa

This week, the residents of Bonanza City, New Mexico tackle the issue of GARBAGE (aka Taylor)! Everyone's got the environment on the brain, from Olivia being cured of her racism (now she just hates Anjay for his personality instead of the color of his skin), to everyone's hands flapping around like turtledoves (Macaulay Culkin should probably be sharing them with a homeless lady). The kids are challenged to a decidedly UN-Kosher showdown (don't tell the Mitzvah Tank! or Zach's rabbi!). Can the pioneers find a way to clean up the garbage and rejoice? Strap a bell to your hands so Carly and Allison can hear you. LYLAS!  Follow us on Twitter for updates: @LYLASpod!! (featuring music by The Olsen Twins, Anita Ward, The Archies, The Muppets, Celine Dion, Fleetwood Mac, 30 Rock, Tim & Eric, Bob Dylan (feat. Bill Murray), and audio from The Mummy, Gangs of New York, Jet Daisuke, the steerage dance party in Titanic, and Spice World.)

Bells: It's what's for dinner. The kids of the Nation of the City of Bonanza, comma, city, dive head first into the wild world of Politics. George DUBYA Bush was their president at the time and they never let anyone forget it. If you ever see someone on Grindr named Anita Bell, it's only Jonathan Karsh, who loves bells almost as much as he loves calling Greg out as the oldest kid in the world, and quite literally as much as he loves talking about those damn literally worth their weight in gold literal gold stars. Will Taylor demand a recount? Will Mike ever find his lips? Will the Titanic make it to New York City? Carly and Allison will lead you through it. Follow us on Twitter for updates: @LYLASpod!! (featuring music by The Olsen Twins, Anita Ward, LCD Soundsystem, The Archies, The Muppets, Celine Dion, and Deniece Williams, and audio from The Mummy and the steerage dance party in Titanic.)

It's the time of the season for loving, and the episode you've all been waiting for: the one where the off-camera producers tell all the kids in Bonanza City to talk about ~*RELIGION!!*~ From a twelve year old atheist to the one girl who knows "a bit about JEWISH", ignorance and pretense are at the forefront of this controversial bit of television. Lips are still chapped, Jonathan Karsh's real hands are still nowhere to be seen, Taylor continues to be terrible, and the Irish laborers (the green team) go back to steerage where the nineteenth century thinks they belong! Can a group of adequately intelligent children solve a simple puzzle in 30 whole minutes? Join us (like Carly's roommate did) to find out! (featuring music by The Olsen Twins, Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy, that steerage dance scene from Titanic, The Zombies, and Brad Neely) -- follow us on twitter: @LYLASpod

Is 3AM an appropriate bedtime for babies? Is $20,000.00 an appropriate birthday present for an average 9 year old? Kid Nation episode 3 answers some difficult questions, and also finally moves past the plumbing challenge into something much..... softer. And no, we're not talking about Jonathan Karsh's hands! (featuring music by The Olsen Twins, The Archies, West Phillips, and that steerage dance scene from Titanic) -- follow us on twitter: @LYLASpod

The irony of the plumbing challenge is not lost to Carly and Allison, who delve into the ethical dilemma that is the need for protein vs. poultry slaughter (at the hands of children). Is it Sean or Shawn? Beam down from your masturbatorium to find out on this episode of LYLAS: Hand Werewolf and the Waterslide!  (featuring music by the Olsen Twins and Chuck Brown & The Chuckleberries) (we're on twitter!: @LYLASpod)

Carly and Allison begin their adventure with the first episode of Kid Nation, the best thing to come out of the Bush administration. (follow us on twitter @LYLASpod !! featuring music by The Olsen Twins)