What's Lightsabers, Precious?

EMERGENCY POD! What happens when you get a chance to adapt Tolkien's epic for Leningrad TV with no budget, two horses, and a prog rock band right before the fall of the Soviet Union? Khraniteli, the recently excavated 1991 2-part miniseries! It's a weird one, so buckle up, buddies!

SPOILER WARNING! In this special episode we talk in-depth about Rise of Skywalker and The Mandalorian, but mostly about Klaud the Banana Slug Monster.

In this special episode, we pay respects and look back on the life and career of Christopher "Daddy's Books" Tolkien, the patron saint of the Middle-Earth half of this podcast. Plus, important info about the future of the show!

How long have Gimli and Loki been dating? How do you teach Darth Maul about Christmas? Answers to these questions, plus pregnant Frodo, Luke Skywalker in Barbie pajamas, and other holiday tales to warm the cockles of your heart.

How was the Witch-King like Elsa? Canonically, how many toes does a Yoda have? Answers to these questions, plus flossing, Balto discussion, and Werner Herzog telling it like is.

What's the hoary history of where hobbits habitate? What's the backstory behind the bounty hunting beskar badasses? Answers to these questions, plus Witch-King waggery, anti-Jedi jetpacks, and yet more yarns from Yahoo Answers.

What were Morgoth's bud holes like? What happens when you mix Titanic, 2001, and WarGames with a sprinkle of terrible decisions? Answers to these questions, plus shilling for Disney, loving lamps, and the glorious return of Dash "The Man" Rendar.

How is Mordor like Florida? How many chapter cliffhangers involving bugs can your book have before actually being scary? Answers to these questions, plus a rare Lord of the Rings-Star Wars news crossover, Tolkien's heavy metal streak, and the return of the skimboard.

It's time to get SPOOKY! What's scarier - naked Nazgul or Clay Aiken? When will Tash Arranda learn the meaning of stranger danger? Answers to these questions, plus THE SPARAT WALD, Boba Fett being cool, and seriously, Clay Aiken?

Does Bombur have a personality besides "fat guy?" Who's the shrewd blue dude Disney was wooed to include? Answers to these questions, plus in-depth discussions of Force Friday, real Norwegian TV shows, and art appreciation gone wrong.

What are the secret origins of J.R.R. Tolkien's breezy children's novel "The Hobbit?" Why should Splinter of the Mind's Eye actually be a movie? Answers to these questions, plus pacifist coward heroes, DBZ battles, and cool teen boys at the movie theater.

Regarding Sauron's rings of power, who wore it better - elves, dwarves, or men? How do you write a low-budget sequel to one of the biggest blockbusters of all time? Answers to these questions, plus more baffling musical cues, the dreaded return of horny paragraphs, and two separate references to Kamala Harris being a cop.

Did Pippin have god-like powers in the Swedish Lord of the Rings? Who is Ratio Tile and what does he have to do with the Presbyterian Hopeless Situation Warriors? Answers to these questions, plus Master Thief King, Reaching the West of Reaches, and some actual interesting stories from the world of language translation.

Rotoscoping: the economical future of animation or weird uncanny garbage? Is using literal Nazi propaganda to represent evil a little too on-the-nose? Answers to these questions, plus butterfly balrogs, fairies vs. Hitler, and the secret origin of the WLP theme song in our NICEest episode yet.

How is 9/11 connected to Lord of the Rings' satantic agenda? Is there a religion out there that allows one to wear a hood in public? Answers to these questions, plus taking a stand, George W. Bush's magic ring, and the Dark Mageocracy.

How did a fresh-faced extra launch a fandom phenomenon? Is a greedy, big-nosed human trafficker a problematic character? Answers to these questions, plus medicine balls, vintage 2000s internet posts, and the art of the deal.

Who deserves a Middle-Earth's Greatest Dad coffee mug? Would anyone actually read something titled Document CO(CL) 56-95? Answers to these questions, plus ninnyhammers, Shirley Temple bugs, and Khan, all in this special Father's Day episode guest starring Joanna's mom!

Who the heck is Sharkey? How is Gragra the Gorgmonger the unsung hero of Mos Espa? Answers to these questions, plus Glorfy Baby, Dex's flying diner, and character actor Bruce Spence.

How would the DSM describe Smeagol's mental state? Are AT-ATs just walking death traps? Answers to these scientific queries, plus red tickets, Aragorn's arterial partial pressure, and Australian tank-men.

The conclusion to the WORST NAME CHALLENGE THUNDERDOME has arrived! We count down the contenders from best to worst and discuss our adventure into Detroit's SPACE DIVE. 28 names enter, 1 leaves... AS THE WORST!