Dialogue On Divorce

Pets are family. As a growing number of people form emotional attachments with their animals, the divorce process is further complicated by decisions around who gets to keep the pets. What can people do to look out for the best interests of the animal involved? What does the law say? Professor David Favre practiced law in Virginia prior to joining the Michigan State University Law College faculty in 1976. An expert in animal law, David has written several articles and books dealing with issues like animal cruelty, wildlife law, the use of animals in scientific research and international control of animal trade. He is a national officer of the Animal Legal Defense Fund and the ABA Committee on Animal Law, and David teaches Property, International Environmental Law, Wildlife Law and Animal Law at MSU. Today, David joins Katherine to explain the many facets of animal law and how it has evolved in the US over the last 150 years. He shares his take on animals as ‘living property’ and walks us through the legal p

Is your phone more interesting than your husband? 75% of people say that technology seriously impacts their relationships. Thus, the very thing that is supposed to help us feel more connected is hindering our connections with the people who really matter—the ones right there in front of us. In addition to her roles as a psychotherapist, interfaith minister, mindfulness teacher and relationship coach, Nancy Colier is the author of The Power of Off: The Mindful Way to Stay Sane in a Virtual World. Nancy is a sought-after public speaker on the topics of wellbeing, mindfulness and technology, and she has been featured on Good Morning America and in The New York Times. She writes regular columns for Huffington Post and Psychology Today, and Nancy serves as a frequent guest on On Point Talk. Today, Nancy joins Katherine to share the ways that technology brings out the least evolved aspects of ourselves. She explains the addictive nature of checking messages as well as the concept of phubbing, snubbing someone in

If you’re in the middle of a hostile divorce, the very idea of having compassion for your former partner may be difficult to fathom. But what if you started with compassion for yourself? Holistic health coach Jen Dorf maintains that you can escape the conflict trap with a mindful approach to communication that models the way you want to be treated. Based in Mamaroneck, New York, Jen is a nutrition and wellness coach with an expertise in mindful communication. She inspires clients to create daily sustainable habits that will revive their energy and power from within by bringing awareness to how they eat, move, rest and relate—to themselves and others. Jen trained at the Institute of Integrative Nutrition in Manhattan, and she is accredited by The American Association of Drugless Practitioners. Jen sits down with Katherine to discuss the fundamentals of mindful communication. She explains how to use mindfulness to identify your patterns and triggers and shift your goals from being right to being happy. Jen sp

If you’ve been out of the dating game for a while now, the landscape may seem like a brave new world. Dating apps offer endless possibilities—and overwhelm. Not to mention the fact that you are sorting through your own feelings after a divorce and working to reshape your very identity. It’s complicated to say the least. Dr. Alexandra Solomon is a licensed clinical psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University. She is regular blogger for Psychology Today and the author of Loving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want. Dr. Solomon is a renowned speaker and media consultant on topics related to love, sex and marriage, and she has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Network, The Today Show and NPR, among many others. Dr. Solomon joins Katherine to discuss how dating has evolved in recent years with the emergence of apps geared to finding love. She explains why it’s important to work through the story of your marriage and focus on yourself before you return to the

Are you waiting to get divorced until your kids are a little older in the hopes that they’ll handle it better? You may be surprised to hear that kids in early adolescence have MORE of an adjustment to make when parents divorce than at any other age. Whatever your child’s age, parenting through divorce is difficult territory. Carl Pickhardt PhD is a psychologist in private practice out of Austin, Texas. He has written an impressive 15 books on the subject of parenting as well as columns for the Austin American Statesman, Marriage and Family Living and Psychology Today, just to name a few. Carl has appeared on ABC, NBC, CNN and NPR, and he holds degrees from Harvard and the University of Texas at Austin. Carl joins Katherine to explain the importance of emotionally reconciling your differences and creating an alliance with your ex-spouse based on common concern for your children. He walks us through the reasons why adolescence is an especially vulnerable age for kids dealing with divorce, offering his advice

Our current system of justice focuses on the offender. What harm did they cause? What do they deserve as punishment? What if we shifted our focus to the person who was harmed and asked different questions, like what needs to happen between the parties to make it right? How can everyone move forward? Matt Johnston is the Program Director with Domestic Violence Safe Dialogue, a Portland nonprofit focused on ending the cycle of domestic violence through safe, supervised conversations with survivors and surrogate offenders and helping both parties foster transformative change. Matt spent seven years working with men convicted of domestic violence offenses, and he is a firm believer in the principles of restorative justice. Matt joins Katherine to discuss the difference between restorative justice and the retributive system. He explains how the restorative process can be both more satisfying and more painful at the same time. Matt covers the desire for revenge and how it seems to dissipate when people feel hear

Divorce is a source of trauma. The process is stressful and emotional. Yet it’s also an opportunity. After a settlement has been reached, you can pursue new ambitions, creating a renewed vision for your life moving forward. With the right attitude and preparation, it is possible to profit from the experience. In 2006, Paul Ross’ marriage of 25 years ended. In the five long years it took Paul and his ex-wife to reach a settlement, he applied his business background to the situation and designed a ten-point plan to help him navigate the process. That blueprint included an approach to controlling costs and recovering wealth as well as a plan to rebuild his life and explore new opportunities once the divorce was final. Paul’s ten-point plan eventually became a book, How to Profit from Your Divorce. Today, he joins Katherine to explain how his family values were strengthened during the process as Paul and his daughter discovered a new bond. He shares the benefits of sharing your expectations with your ex-spouse,

It is incredibly challenging to maintain your health during the divorce process. Some of us overeat, some of us stop eating altogether. Many spend a lot of time on the couch, while others exercise non-stop. So how do you find the right balance and choose a more positive response to such a stressful time? Today’s guest has designed a blueprint to help you eat right, keep moving and take care of your social and spiritual needs. Dinah Barr-Campanaro is a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist (RDN) credentialed by the Commission on Dietetic Registration and a Certified Dietary Manager (CDN) and Certified Food Protection Professional (CFPP) credentialed by the Certifying Board for Dietary Managers. She serves as an active member of the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics as well as the Association of Nutrition and Foodservice Professionals. Today, Dinah joins Katherine to discuss the challenges around maintaining a healthy lifestyle during the divorce process. She walks us through her four-fold, holistic approach, ad

While divorcing partners may not be able to agree on much else, they DO want what is best for their children. But when you’re in the middle of crafting a parenting plan, it’s easy to get lost in the details, get competitive, and forget your shared mission—to provide a healthy life for your kids moving forward. Dr. Deanna Conklin-Danao is a clinical psychologist in the Chicago area. She has 15-plus years of experience in the field of mental health, serving a school-based health center, a community mental health center as well as hospital-based inpatient and outpatient settings. Dr. Conklin-Danao has been in private practice since 2006, and her work covers a broad range of issues including depression, anxiety and life transitions. Her work with children, adolescents, couples and families makes Dr. Conklin-Danao uniquely qualified to be a Collaborative Law Divorce Coach, helping families tailor solutions to fit their family’s unique needs during divorce. Today, Dr. Conklin-Danao joins Katherine to discuss the

Parents going through a separation often make one of two choices when it comes to communicating with their children: 1) They protect the children by sharing very little about the process, or 2) They involve their children in adult conversations, treating them as confidants. Neither scenario gives the children a voice—a way to share their experience. Award-winning filmmaker Ellen Bruno is on a mission to change that through the documentary SPLIT, a collaboration with children ages six through twelve exploring the life-altering separation of their parents. The film presents the children’s perspective on divorce, empowering them to speak the truth of what is on their minds and in their hearts. SPLIT encourages parents to make better choices as they move through divorce and offers courage and validation to other children who see the film. Today, Ellen joins Katherine to share how her own separation led her to create the documentary SPLIT. She explains the film’s power in giving voice to the experiences of child

“It’s never too late. Put the divorce on pause, find a really strong, good therapist who knows what they’re doing, and give it a few months before you pull the plug.” Terry Real is a renown family therapist and the bestselling author of I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression and How Can I Get Through to You?: Reconnecting Men and Women. Terry is the founder of the Relational Empowerment Institute, and his work has been featured on NBC Nightly News, Today, and Oprah, as well as in The New York Times, Psychology Today, and numerous academic publications. He is known for his ground-breaking work in helping transform couples on the brink of divorce. Today, Terry joins Katherine to discuss the role of grieving your marriage in the process of letting go and the silver lining of learning that can come from the divorce process. He shares his approach to working with couples on ‘marital death’s door,’ explaining how he leverages the Relationship Intervention to get couples bac

Reacting with aggression feels good in the moment, powerful even. Perhaps you believe that taking the high road in the divorce process puts you at a disadvantage, making you look weak—as if you’re letting the other person off the hook for their behavior. But Monique Honaman argues that the next best decision is not the one born from anger. In fact, the smart choices that work for your family long-term require the presence of mind to take emotion out of the equation. Monique had no aspirations to write a book. But as she navigated her own divorce, Monique received phone call after phone call from women with questions about the process. After a conversation around collaborative divorce at an unrelated business conference, someone suggested that Monique write a book. That night in her hotel room, she sat down with her laptop and outlined the chapters that would become The High Road Has Less Traffic. Since then, Monique has written a follow-up, The High Road Has Less Traffic and a Better View. Today, she joins

Let’s face it: The legal process is intimidating. Separation agreements are difficult to decipher without the help of a professional, and the process often disregards the complexity of what people are going through. Beyond the legal piece, there are emotional, financial, even spiritual implications around ending a marriage. Integrative law seeks to recognize that complexity and design conscious contracts that people can understand and use to resolve conflict. Kim Wright is a leader in the field of integrative law. Named one of the first Legal Rebels by the American Bar Association (ABA), Kim has been lauded for ‘finding new ways to practice law, represent clients, adjudicate cases and train the next generation of lawyers.’ She leads Continuing Legal Education programs and offers coaching and consulting for lawyers, courts, law firms, legal organizations, law schools as well as the media. Kim is also the author of the ABA best-sellers Lawyers as Peacemakers and Lawyers and Changemakers. Today, Kim joins Kath

If you’re going through a contentious divorce, hurt and anger are par for the course. You may even believe that holding onto your rage is a show of strength. But the truth is, blame renders you powerless to your own emotions. What if I told you that true power—and the ability to heal—lies in your ability to choose compassion? Dr. Steven Stosny is the creator of Compassion Power, an organization founded on the belief that people are, indeed, more powerful when they are compassionate. Dr. Stosny is also a renowned author and media consultant who has appeared on Oprah, CBS Sunday Morning, and CNN’s Talkback Live, among others. A leading expert in relationships, anger and abuse, Dr. Stosny has treated 6,000-plus clients and presented at professional conferences all over the world. Today, Dr. Stosny joins Katherine to share his insight around the power of compassion, explaining how anger narrows your focus and limits your intellectual abilities. He discusses the concepts of compassionate assertiveness and emotio

Most people think of mediation as compromise, but Gary Friedman sees it differently. In his view, the process is a negotiation. Rather than competing over assets, the divorcing partners identify what they need to move forward and then find the best way to divide or allocate resources accordingly. Yes, there will be disagreements, but if you can turn around your impulse to see each other as enemies, there are ways of cooperating that produce results that are better for both parties. Gary has been teaching mediation since the 1980’s, training lawyers, law professors, judges and psychotherapists in the mediative approach to collaborative practice in the US, Europe and Israel. He is the co-founder of the Center for Mediation in Law, and he has taught courses in negotiation and mediation at prestigious institutions such as Stanford University, Harvard Law School, and the World Intellectual Property Organization in Geneva. Gary is the author of several seminal works in the field of conflict resolution, including A

The 14th Dalai Lama wisely said, ‘Peace is not simply the absence of war. It is not a passive state of being. We must wage peace, as vigilantly as we wage war.’ Our cultural bias suggests that peacemaking is somehow weak or submissive, when in fact, it takes a great deal more strength and confidence to listen and consider a point of view different from our own—especially in the legal profession. David Hoffman is the founder of Boston Law Collaborative where he serves as a mediator, arbitrator, and collaborative divorce attorney. David teaches several courses on dispute resolution at Harvard Law School, and he was named Boston’s 2016 Lawyer of the Year by Best Lawyers in America as well as US News & World Report. His practice is focused on resolving conflict in business, family, and employment suits, and David has served as mediator in more than two thousand cases. He is also the author of several books on conflict resolution, including Mediation: A Practical Guide for Mediators, Lawyers, and Other Profession

If you left the more complex issues of financial planning to your spouse during the marriage, navigating the numbers during the divorce settlement process can be incredibly intimidating. You may need considerable time to process any financial proposal brought to the table, and you would benefit from professional support in understanding what the numbers mean—and whether or not you’re going to be okay when it comes to money in the aftermath of the divorce. Michelle Smith is the CEO of Smith Financial Strategies Group, the divorce financial team that other professionals turn to. One of the leading Certified Divorce Financial Analysts in the industry, Michelle has spent 25 years providing guidance and expertise in the realm of personal finance. She is a member of the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts, a Divorce Mediator, and the co-author of Divorce and Your Finances. Today, Michelle joins Katherine to explain how and why she carved out a niche as a personal finance expert in the divorce space. She shar

When Wendy Paris announced her trial separation to her liberal friends in New York City, she was surprised by the incredibly negative feedback she received. But when she unpacked their predictions of doom and gloom, Wendy realized that their fears around divorce derived from the facts of an earlier era, before no fault filing was an option. Wendy and her ex-husband moved slowly, leveraging alternative dispute resolution to collaborate on a settlement that set them both up for success. Wendy has worked as a journalist and editor for 20-plus years, contributing content to media outlets including The New York Times, Quartz, The Guardian, Washington Post and Marketplace Radio, among many others. She currently blogs for Psychology Today, Huffington Post and Splitopia, the divorce wellness platform she founded in conjunction with her book, Splitopia: Dispatches from Today’s Good Divorce and How to Part Well. Wendy lives in Santa Monica, California, with her son—just a few blocks up the beach from her ex-husband.

No matter the circumstances, divorce is intensely emotional, and we tend to focus on the internal journey of people navigating the process. But what about the externals? The space where we live and the objects we surround ourselves with have a significant impact on the way we feel—and designing a new space or reclaiming an old one can go a long way to helping people move on with their lives post-divorce. Jodi Topitz is the founder of we2me, a unique interior design firm for divorcing couples and families in transition. Jodi supports clients in reclaiming their current home or moving to a new space, creating an uplifting environment and restoring a sense of permanency in their lives. Jodi discovered the healing impact of color and design in the aftermath of her own divorce, and she is passionate about connecting people to their space in a way that helps them achieve serenity and move forward. Today, Jodi sits down with Katherine to talk about the value of creating a comforting environment, especially in the

Parents worry about the long-term impact divorce will have on their children. The good news is that two-thirds of the children of divorce are just fine. The bad news is that one-third are, indeed, disadvantaged by long-term problems. What can parents do to ensure that their children fall in to the resilient category—and go on to thrive in the aftermath of divorce? Dr. JoAnne Pedro-Carroll is recognized internationally as an authority in the field of children and divorce, speaking regularly at conferences all over the world and consulting with universities, schools, courts and health agencies on matters relating to child mental health and parenting. Additionally, she continues to work with children and families in private practice and serves as a child specialist in the collaborative divorce process. Dr. Pedro-Carroll held faculty positions in psychology and psychiatry at the University of Rochester from 1984 to 2008 and was a Senior Researcher at the Children’s Institute in Rochester, New York. She serves a