I Feel Snitty with Craig Rozniecki

Here are my thoughts on the 2nd hearing with regard to the Capitol attacks, including a fictional back-and-forth between Donald Trump and an inebriated Rudy Giuliani on election night.   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/

Here is my take on the first of seven scheduled hearings regarding the January 6th attacks on the U.S. Capitol.   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/

Due to yet another mass-shooting, I felt the need to snarkily refute the ten favorite NRA/GOP talking points surrounding gun-reform.   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/

Due to the recent sexual-misconduct allegation made by a SpaceX flight attendant against Elon Musk, I decided to concoct a Letterman-style Top Ten List of Elon Musk pick-up lines. Drumroll please...   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/

When it comes to inflation and baby-formula shortages, the GOP is like that guy who posts on Facebook how wonderful his wife is right after sleeping with her best friend and just before getting it on with a girl from the club he calls Donkey Kong. This episode is all about GOP hypocrisy, bigly.   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/

Canadian clinical psychologist Jordan Peterson is the Dr. Phil of Ron Burgundys. The guy loves to hear himself speak and often times doesn't know what the hell he's talking aboot. In this episode, I tackle Peterson's rampant sexism via a fictionalized dialogue between him and a female patient who goes by the name Serendipity Sasquatch.   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/

I was recently told racism wouldn't exist if people stopped talking about it. Then the Buffalo shooting occurred. In this episode, I get snarkily psychological (or is it psychologically snarky?) about racism in this country. ...and yes, the title was inspired by Mr. Psychology himself, George Costanza ("It's not a lie...if you believe it").   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/

In this episode, I snarkily dissect Elon Musk's claim that the modern-day Democratic Party has been hijacked by extremists.   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/

In this episode, I snarkily dissect Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito's opinion draft on overturning Roe v. Wade.   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/

"We Stand with the Ukraine" (to the tune of Cypress Hill's "Insane in the Brain") Why you trying to impeach our man, Murcans? You know we with Putin   So, we gotta tiptoe around this Bleedin’ Russian red, pissin’ yellow ‘n’ blue Injected bleach near our wisdom tooth Yeah, should probably get that checked out soon That was some kinda tangent Fo’ real, I mean, what were we even talking about and sh*t? Hey, you all forgot too, didn’t you? Mission accomplished, twenty-twenty-two Follow the lil red dot Like you’s an ADHD kitty-cat Make you look away, cuz Traitors like us stand with Putin and Ukraine   We stand with the Ukraine Won’t impeach our man We stand with the Ukraine Won’t impeach our man We stand with the Ukraine Love Ukraine less than our man We stand with the Ukraine Won’t impeach our man   Hey, yo, why ‘vryone frontin’ us? Okay, okay, we’ll step up Trump made the perfect call, he told you all Was perfect, like Putin bare-chested Riding his horse through a Siberian desert Withholding military aid from Uk

"Balls of Dystopia" (to the tune of Muse's "Knights of Cydonia") To hide feelings Is to be manly, you see Bottle it all up Heart-attack at thirty   Testosterone fades From our world today Let’s burn our scrotes Or become a joke   With the end of men in his sight He places on his bowtie To prove he’s a man day and night He goes to light his balls on fire   With the end of men in his sight He places on his bowtie To prove he’s a man day and night He goes to light his balls on fire   With the end of men in his sight He places on his bowtie To prove he’s a man day and night He goes to light his balls on fire   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/

"Shroom-Shaped C*ck" (to the tune of Nirvana's "Heart-Shaped Box") Stormy spanked him with his own Trump magazine He whipped out his shroom-shaped c*ck for her to see Well, she tried bigly hard, but it was so small She whipped out her magnifying glass and then said   Gag Me What is that weird thing? The tiniest mushroom in the universe Gag Me What is that weird thing? The tiniest mushroom in the universe Gag Me What is that weird thing? The tiniest mushroom in the universe Universe   She asked if he was ready, he said, “I’m done” “Are you sure, lil T? I didn’t feel nothin’” “Hey, there’s nothin’ little about me, okay?” “That’s why when I saw your Monopoly thimble, I said”   Gag Me What is that weird thing? The tiniest mushroom in the universe Gag Me What is that weird thing? The tiniest mushroom in the universe Gag Me What is that weird thing? The tiniest mushroom in the universe Universe   Stormy spanked him with his own Trump magazine He whipped out his shroom-shaped c*ck for her to see Well, she tried bigl

"Trump" (to the tune of The Presidents of the United States of America "Lump") Trump thought he was on board “Air Force Once” Eating “hamberders” that were “unpresidented” On his way to “West Virginina” Where he plans on talking about “Two Corinthians”   He’s Trump, he’s Trump He’s lost his head He’s Trump, he’s Trump, he’s Trump He is brain-dead   Trump found a “bigly” “smocking gun” Told by his “Secretary of Educatuon” That “covfefe” was really a thing It’ll rid us of “opiods” and bring “world peach”   He’s Trump, he’s Trump He’s lost his head He’s Trump, he’s Trump, he’s Trump He is brain-dead   Trump then went to the “Human Society” Thinking pups would marvel at his big “a-brain” Telling poodles all about “Yo-Semite” “Nambia,” “Thighland,” “Nipple” and “Button”   He’s Trump, he’s Trump He’s lost his head He’s Trump, he’s Trump, he’s Trump He is brain-dead   Did Trump ever find his head? Bigly no Did Trump ever find his head? Bigly no Did Trump ever find his head? Bigly no Did Trump ever find his head?   B

"Ass Is Burning" (to the tune of Midnight Oil's "Beds Are Burning") I’ve spent hours at the desk Getting ready for my lunch break My stomach starving and gurgling Ten minutes to fill myself   The food has come It came real fast That can’t be good I’ve got some gas   The food has come It smells like sh*t That can’t be healthy I feel the grease   How can I eat When the clock is turning? How can I work While my ass is burning?   How can I eat When the clock is turning? How can I work While my ass is burning?   The food has come It came real fast That can’t be good I’ve got some gas   Driving back to the office Speeding in and out of traffic Stuffing nasty crap in my mouth No time to fill myself   The food has come It came real fast That can’t be good I’ve got some gas   The food has come It smells like sh*t That can’t be healthy I feel the grease   How can I eat When the clock is turning? How can I work While my ass is burning?   How can I eat When the clock is turning? How can I work While my ass is burning?  

"Breaking the Seal" (to the tune of Judas Priest's "Breaking the Law") There I was double-fisting, a cocktail and a shot I’m obviously on a mission, on a mission from God A pitcher of water in hand, chugging it down Overflowing with liquids, acting like they’ll never get out Shit, I gotta go   Breaking the seal, breaking the seal Breaking the seal, breaking the seal Breaking the seal, breaking the seal Breaking the seal, breaking the seal   It was the first time in two hours; I guess I was due What the? It’s just been ten minutes. Back to the urinal? I can’t wait in no line; get out of my way Hey buddy, move it, or I’ll give you a spray I keep having to go   Breaking the seal, breaking the seal Breaking the seal, breaking the seal Breaking the seal, breaking the seal Breaking the seal, breaking the seal   I can’t wait in no line   Breaking the seal, breaking the seal Breaking the seal, breaking the seal Breaking the seal, breaking the seal Breaking the seal, breaking the seal   Breaking the seal, breaking the

"Lady G" (to the tune of Pearl Jam's "Jeremy") He’s out doing misters At the Hyatt With him on top Pretending to be Someone else as he Transforms from Senator Graham to Lady G   GOP won’t give acceptance Oh, to the fact that he may well be gay Poor Lady G, the bigots Would rock his world   Lady G got some ass today Lady G got some ass today   Clearly he remembers calling Trump a “kook” “Unfit” and a “crazy f*ck” Ooh, but Trump unleashed blackmail “Suck my d*ck or I’ll tell everyone you’re gay!” Hot damn, what a threat. And he dropped his pants and whipped it out Well, that’s what he said he did, but who knows? It was so tiny no one could see it   The GOP would give rejection Oh, even if JC came out of the closet Poor Lady G, the bigots Would rock his world   Lady G got some ass today Lady G got some ass today Lady G got some ass today   He won’t deny this (He won’t deny this) He can’t erase this (He can’t erase this) Off of Twitter   Lady G got some ass today Lady G got some ass today Lady G got some, got som

"Machines Said" (to the tune of Bush's "Machinehead") Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha   Vote in, vote out Vote in, vote out Vote in Vote in, vote out Vote in, vote out Vote in   Begging for repeal, Lindell wants to steal Smother our voices with his fluff Down the rabbit hole, he spins to the right A cokehead in a pillow fight Oh, oh, flashbacks are here He doesn’t know his pancreas from his ears   All the machines said Biden’s better than Trump Blue states, red, machines said All the machines said Biden’s better than Trump Blue and red   I waltz by the machines I waltz by the machines   Vote in, vote out Vote in, vote out Vote in   Crooked, obtuse, dirty, claims God believes this He has no conscience at all Lies are like lines, he snorts them all the time The only God he ever sees is himself   All the machines said Biden’s better than Trump Blue states, red, machines said All the machines said Biden’s better than Trump Blue and red, ha   I waltz by the machines I waltz by the machines   Vote in,

"Hydroxychloroquine" (to the tune of Nirvana's "Lithium") I’m so healthy, ‘cause today I found my meds They’re for COVID But not really, I guess they’re for something else Malaria Those damn mosquitoes from Asia and Africa Not America But still, Trump said it would work So I’ll take it   Blah, blah, blah Blah, blah, blah Blah, blah, blah Blah, blah, blah Blah, blah, blah Blah, blah, blah, blah   I’m so congested, COVID’s kicking my ass It came on fast But just maybe these meds will cure all my ills It’s a done deal I’m so achy, probably from the mask I wore At the orgy I’m so nauseated but Doctor Trump said   Blah, blah, blah Blah, blah, blah Blah, blah, blah Blah, blah, blah Blah, blah, blah Blah, blah, blah, blah   I lick it, I’m not gonna die I drink it, I’m not gonna die I sniff it, I’m not gonna die I f*ck it, I’m not gonna die I lick it, I’m not gonna die I drink it, I’m not gonna die I sniff it, I’m not gonna die I f*ck it, I’m not gonna die   I’m so healthy, ‘cause today I found my meds They’re for CO

"Team Ukraine" (to the tune of Nirvana's "On a Plain") I think we got off on the wrong foot Didn’t impeach Trump for bribing you He loved Putin, but never you Had us by the balls, what could we do? Was the perfect call, or so he said He threatened to hold your defense aid He loved Putin, but never you Had us by the balls, what could we do?   We’re team Ukraine Don’t tell Putin We’re team Ukraine   That came out wrong, let’s back up Now that our Trump is gone, let’s make up He loved Putin, but never you Had us by the balls, what could we do? We’ll go and stream Zelenskyy’s show That’s enough; what more could you want? He loved Putin, but never you Had us by the balls, what could we do?   We’re team Ukraine Don’t tell Putin We’re team Ukraine   It was just four-hundred million For tanks, grenades, missiles, and some guns Would be handy if you were attacked But we feared a Cheeto that was fat   So just one more thing before we go Here’s a tweet to impress you more He loved Putin, but never you Had us by the ball

In this episode, I snarkily dissect alien overlord Rick Scott's 11-point "Rescue America" plan. Human discretion is advised. Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/