Authentically You-richard & Cheri Himmer

The drama trap is a three-step dance that is learned in our families of origin. The three steps (roles) are victim, rescuer, and persecutor. Today we introduce the experience of Terry, whose mother doted on him, protecting him from his siblings and friends out of fear that he would get hurt. His father, frustrated that his boy was growing up as a sissy, persecuted him, with the intent to toughen him up. When Terry got married, he brought his family game of drama into the marriage.

I met Ruth over 6 years ago. For the past four years she’s been a client practicing and learning the skills of Emotional Intelligence. Listen to her story and how her life was changed using the tools we discuss on our podcast. Today she explains how it took over 18 months for one of her children to finally connect with her and start the pathway to building a mother/child relationship based on trust and respect

Mindfulness is balancing our sympathetic and parasympathetic systems. Our sympathetic system is responsible for being alert and attentive. Too much sympathetic and we’re hyper or manic. Our parasympathetic system is responsible for being calm and relaxed. Too much parasympathetic is depression. Listen to an introductory approach to practicing mindfulness and to an entertaining mindfulness experience with Cheri and a raisin

Life isn’t about time management. Anyone, including a hormonally laden teenager can manage to survive 24 hours. Life is about prioritizing, it’s about wants and not needs. When we say “I need to eat better” we introduce anxiety into the process. Replace the word “need” with “want” and observe the difference in how you feel and act

Our lives are divided in to four basic aspects of life, 1) Family, 2) Work, 3) Social, friends, community, and 4) Personal health. According James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, a person must prioritize to become an expert or competent at anything. In other words, living each quadrant equally balanced (25%) isn’t reality or a recipe for success.

The outside-in approach to change is fraught with harmful routines that debilitate us. Today we discuss the penal system and the backwards approach to how inmates are incarcerated. Sometimes it feels like they are in the business of job security instead of working with criminals to improve society. We behave according to our beliefs (identity). Change happens when identity is altered. How do you see yourself?

Habit stacking is taking a benign habit like starting your car, brushing your teeth, or going to the bathroom, and placing another (new) habit on top it. It’s like your putting a healthy habit in your way and you must go through it in order to continue your day. It’s how you can lose weight without going on a diet or how you can improve your golf game.

Change starts with self. It isn’t about your spouse, coworker, or maladaptive friend. Part of the healing process is learning how to be aware and create an environment that makes healthy decisions for you. And the glue that hold the system together is deliberate practice.

Why is change so hard? As a general rule, people would rather be ruined, crushed, belittled, or abused than change. Most of us are only willing to question 5% of our present knowledge. We introduce the two most unintelligent and uninformed words in the English language.

Best selling author, leadership coach, motivational speaker, and top-rated podcaster TJ Hoisington is back for a segment on Self Love. He recently wrote a piece in LinkedIn along with a video on Self Love. The time went too fast and we both concluded wishing we had more time to unzip this fascinating topic.

TING’s live in the Me Pyramid of seeking agreement, blaming, justifying and denial. What does it look like to hold a conversation outside the Me Pyramid where mutual trust and respect is present? Hear a true story of unfettered emotions in less that four minutes with virtual strangers using the techniques.

There are two positions in a conversation, power and control. Should I take both, maybe just one or do I avoid them both? How does a TED handle conversations?

A TED is someone who is interesTED. And a TING is someone who is interesTING. A TED knows how to listen, while a TING knows how to talk. Today we address the question of creating a sense of control in your conversations.

At 02:00, Officer’s Bruce and George receive a domestic dispute call in a rough part of town known for drugs and gangs. Using empathy and self-expression, we explore the potential impact of police officers making a domestic dispute call with low empathy and low self-expression. Then reverse it and imagine what happens with high empathy and high self-expression. The last story is how Officer’s Bruce and George actually handled the call. You’ll laugh at the ingenuity of their solution.

Cheri shares her mother’s feelings about her husband (me) for the first time in 36 years. This is a great example of how perceptions impact behavior despite words to the contrary. We can’t hide our true feelings (sub-conscious), which supports Dr. Rosenthal’s pygmalion theory.

Today we define Emotional Intelligence and journey through daily life probing the role of self-awareness and self-regulation. What do relationships look like when our self-awareness is low? One cannot regulate a different behavior if one doesn’t know that their behavior is dysfunctional. Today’s case study is a fictitious couple stuck in their immaculate perception box.

Each of us creates our own story and biases regarding life. Our social landscape is currently driven by individual and group immaculate perceptions and it’s ripping our families apart. Today we discuss Rosenthal’s research of fibbing to a teacher about her students’ IQ and then observing how her beliefs about the student increased their IQ scores after one year.

We are delighted to welcome a good friend and brilliant mind to our show today, TJ Hoisington. TJ is an American author, professional speaker, entrepreneur, business consultant and publisher. His book, If You Think You Can!: Thirteen Laws That Govern the Performance of High Achievers is sold in 34 countries and also author of Return to Robinson Island, a sequel based Swiss Family Robinson. He is the host of Web show Lessons on Success, where he interviews high achievers.Our final segment with TJ (for now). How does one move from being stuck in familiar? We summarize finding hope through awareness, accepting oneself and growing strength through acceptance and recognizing that living in your passion doesn’t mean you will always make money doing so. AND it’s okay if things don’t always work our perfectly. Listen to TJ explain how he met some of the most influential people in his life, in person.

We are delighted to welcome a good friend and brilliant mind to our show today, TJ Hoisington. TJ is an American author, professional speaker, entrepreneur, business consultant and publisher. His book, If You Think You Can!: Thirteen Laws That Govern the Performance of High Achievers is sold in 34 countries and also author of Return to Robinson Island, a sequel based Swiss Family Robinson. He is the host of Web show Lessons on Success, where he interviews high achievers.How many bestsellers are written in the backseat of a car parked in Albertsons? While living in the basement of his parents’ house, his wife and child at home, TJ took their only remaining car (the other one was repossessed) and told his wife he’s going to write a book so they can escape the gravity of mediocrity and move out on their own, again.

We are delighted to welcome a good friend and brilliant mind to our show today, TJ Hoisington. TJ is an American author, professional speaker, entrepreneur, business consultant and publisher. His book, If You Think You Can!: Thirteen Laws That Govern the Performance of High Achievers is sold in 34 countries and also author of Return to Robinson Island, a sequel based Swiss Family Robinson. He is the host of Web show Lessons on Success, where he interviews high achievers.TJ shares his story of rags to success (it’s not always about riches, although he did pull up to my office this morning in a Mercedes). He masterfully weaves hope, grit, frustration, and despair into an uplifting experience that anyone can appreciate. TJ came from a military home of 8 children. He wore hand-me-downs and developed the belief that he couldn’t read as a child. He jokingly comments that he has written more books that he has read. Just listen to him and you’ll soon realize how distant that characterization is from reality.