Dr. Judy Wtf

Enablers of bad behaviors often times come from families that normalize bad behavior. When we are in a toxic environment we sometimes don't know we are in this toxic environment. Part of getting conscious and stopping this enabling behavior is identifying the blueprint that sets us up for tolerating it. It is important as a first attempt to direct our attention towards the behavior as oppose to the person. As I say to my patients, don't drop the person, drop the problem, but if the person wont drop the problem you may need to move on.

When your primary caregivers do not create safety and secure attachment, it lays a foundation for a system gone wrong. Parents that enroll their children in becoming parentified adult children will associate love with being smothered and controlled and can easy become love avoidant. Children who have been emotionally abandoned are more prone to become love addicts. Toxic bonds are formed when in the first few months and years of life. In order to avoid the repetition principle of selecting relationships that break you down, do your healing and dismantle the old blueprint so that you can paradigm shift into a new way of being.

In order for us to heal globally, we must heal individually. When we are in the consciousness of selfishness and apathy, we can not create synergy and global healing. Apathy is created when parents put their own needs before the needs of their children. It is a system gone wrong. This system gone wrong creates narcissistic injuries and psychopathic breakdowns. we need to realize that we are all interconnected and we are all responsible to heal ourselves, so that we can positively impact others and be the cause of better outcomes for not only our lives, but the lives of others. Pay your humane nature forward. healingglobaldisconnect.com

There is a difference between healthy entitlement and unhealthy entitlement. When children get their needs met, and feel OK about asking for their needs, they grow up in an environment of healthy entitlement. When children grow up either spoiled or deprived, they end up getting their needs met by controlling and empowering over others through aggressive or passive aggressive needs. Unhealthy entitlement is the same as unhealthy narcissism versus healthy narcissism. When our needs are meet early in life, we feel good about asking others about meeting our own needs. When we have a whole in the soul, the needs become an endless, bottomless pit that no one can fulfill.

Anything can reopen a narcissistic childhood wound; a sight, a smell, a dirty look, or name calling. When old wounds are reopening, negative core beliefs, such as: I am not lovable, I am stupid, I don't matter, I'm powerless, is reactivated. Unless we get to the root cause of the problem and dismantle the lies of these negative core beliefs, we can not truly heal at the causal level. Once we face these childhood wounds, we can reprocess the feelings and paradigm shift out of the darkness

An act of omission is usually what a parent doesn't do for the child. An act of commission is what a parent does do for a child. The commission in this case is physical abuse, and emotional abuse. People fail to recognize that just cause acts of omission do not leave bruises, that there are not scares. Often time the bruise is internal and sometimes gets internalized and creates self destruction in the person. When there is an enlightened witness who can be a truth light to the victim, they can spare the individual the self blame or the projection that come with trying to rid themselves of the psychological poisons. Childhood is a hostage situation and even children that know the truth are in a horrible double dungeon of darkness situation because there is nothing that they can do since they need the parents to survive. Children would rather blame themselves then hold their parents reasonable.

The demise of narcissism is based on healing. When we are healed we no longer want to play the game. A victim or preparator. Other peoples pain is no longer a gain and perceptually addicted to pain is no longer needed. Toxic bonds are not easy to break, telling people to just get over it and move on is the antithesis of being their enlightened witness. The physical or emotional abuse is painful enough, what is more painful is when society and the people around you deny your reality or minimize it.

Some of us look grown up, but inside we are not. Developmental arrest can occur as a result of childhood wounds/trauma. When we don't have healthy parenting and healthy dependence, it is impossible to mature and develop, separate, individuate, and become strong and autonomous. Emotional immaturity creates chaos because internally the person feels dis-regulated and chaotic. resorting to defense mechanisms like, alcohol, drugs, and overeating, not only don't help, they actual hurt the development process by locking us in psychological prison. To start to grow and mature we have to revisit the past, and heal our wounds.

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When we are wounded on a micro level, these wounds express on a macro scale. The reverse of that is true. When we treat each other with human indignity, we create paranoia, angry, and when our voices are not heard to, attuned to, and empathized with; we tend to up the ante into projections and explosions. When we find pathways to healing and connection and mirror each other, we are the light that heals human and global disconnect. Be the light.

Trust develops in the first few months or years of life. We are lucky enough to primary caregivers who are emphatic, nurturing, and attuned to our feelings, we will develop a sense of trust in ourselves and in the world. When we are wounded in childhood, trust is broken and we can either withdraw or continue to repeat bad patterns of trusting people who hurt and betray us. Once trust is broken, it is very hard to repair. Sometime we just have to pull back and self reflect and self correct on our own patterns and heal our childhood wounds.

Sometime people choose ineffectual therapists because they are repeating dysfunctional relationships from their family origin. After all, a therapeutic relationship is a relationship and if you have had a poor pattern of choosing dysfunctional relationships in general, please do your research before you choose your healer. A good therapist should a be a good fit for you, someone you feel comfortable with. A good therapist has a system that is clearly spelled out before you get involved with the therapy. A good therapist will also be transparent about methods and payments involved. A good therapist should have done his or her own therapeutic work and offer you referrals to others if they feel that you are not a good fit. Therapy is like dating, keep going until you find someone that you can benefit from.

In order to be vulnerable to narcissist abuse, we must be groomed to need outside validation. When are primary care givers attune to our emotional needs and leave us wanting for mirroring and attunement, we become desperate for this experience. When we lack good boundaries, people can penetrate our emotional walls in order to use and manipulate our need to feel important and be loved. In order to heal from this level of abuse and prevent ourselves from giving over our dreams, minds, and heart to people who abuse us we have to heal our inner wounds first.

Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill your enemies." -Nelson Mandala. When we trade, it is natural to feel resentment and to have revenge fantasies of that person. IN those times it is important to have an enlightened witness to talk to so that they can act. The ABC's in resentment play out when for example: three people are friends and one friend betrays another, the betrayed persons finds out that their friend is still friends with the betrayal. This is very painful and is like a new sense of betrayal. In order to avoid the right and wrong syndrome, it is important to put principles over people. Unless principles of integrity are upheld, and especially in the cases of extreme betrayal, it is not possible to continue to be friends with that third party. Stay safe everyone. Sending you much love during this difficult time.

Covid-19 is real. People are coming down with the virus and some are getting dreadfully ill and even dying. This is the time where we are easily triggered and because of this external threat we fill even more threatened internal as well. The paranoia and the feelings of hopefuls are just some symptoms that many are experiencing. It is normal given the circumstances. What we need at this time is to extend love and empathy to others. This can come in any form, from shopping for a neighbor, to checking in on someone near and dear to you. We most remember we are wired to connect and social distance visit can mean a lot as long as you are following safety guidelines. Childhood wounds are the template for our triggers. When we do the psychological work we can better ourselves through crisis and in a healthy manner. Thank you Andy for sharing your brave and resilient spirit after contacting Covid-19.

We are all in this together. This is the time to increase our level of empathy and self reflect and self correct so that we can be bigger givers to others. This is the time to we will wish that we took more advantage of the time . I invite you all to take advantage of learning the mind map so that you can have better peace within and share that peace with others. During this time it is important to not act on our impulses and to source people that are experts in the fields of health and medicine. Stay save everybody and share what you are up to. Feel free to write me at drjudy@pschologicalhealingcenter.com

Being quarantined at this time is challenging enough. When you are quarantining with people that are reacting your negative core beliefs. As the challenge to all of you, I suggest that you use this time to self reflect and self correct and work on dismantling the effects of your childhood wounds on your beliefs. You can do that through the mind map video series and we are always here to help at the Psychological Healing Center. Unhealed wounds are particularly activated at this time and it is important to use peaceful healing dialogue and excellent self care to make sure our emotions stay balanced. Please stay in and please stay safe.

As we go through this pandemic, it is important to realize that we are all interconnected and they we have a profound effect each other. Now is a good time to dial down the amygdala by healing our childhood wounds and being more tolerant of others who are short on emotional bandwidth. use this time to self care and to connect with each other. Remember that human connection heals while apathy brings us disease and de-ease.