I Feel Snitty with Craig Rozniecki

"Give a Buck" (to the tune of KC and the Sunshine Band's "Give It Up") COVID stimulus checks Republicans don’t want to Help anyone other than big Kochs   No-no, no-no, no-no, no-no-no-no, so They just give a buck Give a buck They just give a buck No-no, no-no, no-no, no-no-no-no, so They just give a buck Give a buck They just give a buck   COVID assistance bills GOPers don’t want to Help anyone other than big Kochs   No-no, no-no, no-no, no-no-no-no, so They just give a buck Give a buck They just give a buck No-no, no-no, no-no, no-no-no-no, so They just give a buck Give a buck They just give a buck Give a buck   No-no, no-no, no-no, no-no-no-no, so They just give a buck Give a buck They just give a buck No-no, no-no, no-no, no-no-no-no, so They just give a buck Give a buck They just give a buck   COVID stimulus checks Republicans don’t want to Help anyone other than big Kochs   No-no, no-no, no-no, no-no-no-no, so They just give a buck Give a buck They just give a

"Klan Leader" (to the tune of Hall & Oates's "Maneater") She has lived a privileged life Only does what is white Yeah, Marjorie Taylor Greene is her name She’s locked and loaded About to post on Facebook and fire plenty of blanks She’s holding AR-15s Threatening Waters, Bush, and Pressley The pic so bad, even Zuckerberg decided to remove it Yeah, that is a first Greene cries, “Where’s my free speech?” “To threaten some black ladies?”   Oh, here she posts Look out, blacks! She’ll shoot you down Oh, here she posts She’s a Klan leader Oh, here she posts Look out, blacks! She’ll shoot you down Oh, here she posts She’s a Klan leader   Black lives don’t matter to her Except guns in her purse To fight for equality, to her is slavery ‘Cause, wait for it Okay, I’ve got nothin’; she’s just a racist Karen   Oh, here she posts Look out, blacks! She’ll shoot you down Oh, here she posts She’s a Klan leader Oh, here she posts Look out, blacks! She’ll shoot you down Oh, here she posts S

"Real Fools" (to the tune of Tony! Toni! Tone!'s "Feels Good") Let’s deny reality while dying freely We don’t need none of those stupid vaccines COVID was invented by our aunt Doreen   We’re real fools, yeah We’re real fools Yeah, we’re real fools We’re real fools We’re real fools everyday   If you’re a real fool like me, denier Shine lights up your butt If you’re a real fool like me, denier Shine lights up your butt If you’re a real fool like me, denier Shine lights up your butt If you’re a real fool like me, denier Inject disinfectants   Masks that we wear Kill peeps everyday Well, that’s what we hear From our voice, Donald J. He knows we’re real fools too   We think Fauci is Godfather We’re real fools We think flu is Corona We’re real fools We think masks cause hypothermia We’re real fools We think the flu is COVID   Don’t you wanna be a real fool too?   If you’re a real fool like me, denier Shine lights up your butt If you’re a real fool like me, denier Shine lights

"Blind Trigger" (to the tune of Bush's "Blood River") Trumper snowflakes get triggered all the time Most of which they are so blind Denial not just in Egypt Their favorite language is projection   A black man taking a knee A living woman making money Muslims and LGBTs living free Get ready for the angry tweets   Their eyes covered with lies, anger, and hate Their blind trigger, cakes for gays Ignorance is bliss-ful(l) of escape Their blind trigger, what scripture says Blind trigger, what scripture says Blind trigger, what scripture says   Prejudiced against y’all They claim this means we’re equal While wearing a shirt that says whites always rule Standing on a cliff to look tall   Rights are stripped when they’re given to all Not seeing this isn’t logical At this, they bang their heads against walls Muslims and LGBTs living free Get ready for the angry tweets   Their eyes covered with lies, anger, and hate Their blind trigger, cakes for gays Ignorance is bliss-ful(l) of escape

"Vote Out the Clowns" (to the tune of Bush's "Send in the Clowns") With hair as red as blood A nose that grows and grows They’re ‘bout to juggle lies Blow balloons and the world   They smile, distract, and tease Give the people what they all want to see An’thing for money Disguised to hide truth from land of the free   Jordan, Cruz, and Gaetz Let’s vote out the clowns So the circus isn’t here to stay It’s not too late To grab a pie Throw it; squirt a flower in their face Jordan, Cruz, and Gaetz Let’s vote out the clowns Let’s vote out the clowns   Their shoes are too big Compensating for all their tiny dicks Sporting their baggy pants Trip on it, words, when they go on the attack   They fall and cry And yell, “Those aren’t tears coming from our eyes” They groan and sigh As yuge puddles form under their flexed bis   Jordan, Cruz, and Gaetz Let’s vote out the clowns So the circus isn’t here to stay It’s not too late To grab a pie Throw it; squirt a flower in their face Jorda

"Bourne to Be a Pile" (to the tune of Steppenwolf's "Born to Be Wild") Gets the mouth a-goin’ Fiction he’ll be spewing Thinking it’s non-fiction That kryptonite he’s chewing   Yeah, Ted Believes it has happened Spider-Man climbs on Saturdays Clark Kent puts on an outfit And he flies into space   Egon, Ray, and Venkman The streams they’ll be crossing And add in Winston Just proves police need more funding   Yeah, Ted Believes it has happened Spider-Man climbs on Saturdays Clark Kent puts on an outfit And he flies into space   Looks like a Munster child He was bourne Bourne to be a pile A creepy ass smile He never will be liked Bourne to be a pile Bourne to be a pile   Gets the mouth a-goin’ Fiction he’ll be spewing Thinking it’s non-fiction That kryptonite he’s chewing   Yeah, Ted Believes it has happened Spider-Man climbs on Saturdays Clark Kent puts on an outfit And he flies into space   Looks like a Munster child He was bourne Bourne to be a pile A creepy ass smi

Book #19 Laugh to the Music (2021) After mastering the arts of 3rd-wheeling, CD-burning, and Boggle, author and podcast host—Craig Rozniecki-naturally decided to try his hand at songwriting. In “Laugh to the Music” - Rozniecki’s 19th book, he parodies: Trump cultists, Bernie Sanders' mittens, men who attempt to compensate for small penises, the Twitter-mob, and so much more! Read the lyrics to all 50 of Rozniecki’s one-of-a-kind parodies, along with his snarky analysis of where the ideas for them originated, as well as links to each and every song. Not only is it music to the eyes, it’s music to the ears, or something!   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki

Book #18 Trumplandia (2019) What do you get when you combine modern-day conservatism with the critically-acclaimed show, Portlandia? Trumplandia - author Craig Rozniecki's first and hopefully last book of the series and 18th overall. James Bob, or Big Jim to some, hailed from Hicktown, West Virginia, where he owned a restaurant which went by the name TBR, or The Best Roadkill. Big Jim was a happily married man of 10 days. He met his wife, Amanda Goldteeth, during a raccoon-eating contest at a Family Values Festival and the two hit it off like Shaquille O’Neal and a basketball rim made of Icy Hot. To the marriage, Big Jim brought with him a son - Lil Jim - he traded a four-wheeler for several years ago, and a daughter - Jima - he claims a stork dropped off to him with a note which read, “Three words: Whitesnake concert.” Amanda Goldteeth-Bob could never have children of her own, so she happily accepted the responsibility of home-schooling Lil Jim and Jima, who were in 11th and 9th grade, respectively. Speak

Book #17 The Kind-Hearted Smartass - Volume 3: Maybe the Best of the Trilogy (2019) In this book, Rozniecki tackles every random topic a Mensa member could think up, and if it were possible, even more. In The Kind-Hearted Smartass: Volume 3: Maybe The Best of the Trilogy, you'll learn all about: how a Tinder CEO didn't know the definition of "sodomy;" why the TGI Fridays mistletoe drones idea was worse than slippers in sandals; what the next "hangry" might be; and how online IQ tests read to a snarky mind. Not only that, Rozniecki: provides the top ten times when it's best to not take a selfie; explains how Congress is like a marriage; points out the fact that the Flonase tagline is stupid; and crushes Americans' hopes that Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg will give them all of his money, cars, homes, and beauty tips.   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki

Book #16 LOL at the GOP - Volume 7: Obstruction of Conscience (2018) The always witty satirist Craig Rozniecki is at it again with his seventh installment of the "LOL at the GOP" series. In it, he writes about: Rick Perry’s forgetful wisdom; Sarah Palin’s literal family feud; Señor Jeb Bush; why it’s inconceivable for many conservatives to label themselves as Constitutional; how Donald Trump would write Hallmark cards; a state senator who thinks butts and vaginas are the same thing; and so much more! So sit back, relax, and let laughter guide you in "LOL at the GOP - Volume 7: Obstruction of Conscience."   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki

Book #15 A Collection of Satirical Short Stories: A Bigly Clever Title (2017) While in nonsensical actuality Donald Trump's campaign slogan was "Make America great again!," it probably should have been either "Make facts fake again!" or "Make bigly stinky BS smell good again!" It's appeared to be the president's goal to transform the U.S. into bizarro world, where up is down, black is white, right is wrong, left is right, and a bouquet of herpes is a popular item at supermarkets every February 14th. Cite a fact? That's fake news. Cite fake news? That's a fact. So what do we do when the leader of our country tries turning reality on its head? Resort to 24-hour all-you-can-eat buffets, binge-drinking, and laughter, not necessarily in that order. That's where author Craig Rozniecki's fifteenth book, "A Collection of Satirical Short Stories: A Bigly Clever Title," will come in handy! So join him in attempting to cope with Trump's bizarro world, as he satirizes politics, religion, race, every light topic you're

Book #14 The Art of the Steal: How a Chump Became School President (2017) Whether it was money, gifts, house work, or his grades at school, Ronald Chump had everything handed to him through his first 14 years in life. From getting $1,000 for asking the house maid to clean his room to being promised a Lexus on his 16th birthday to receiving straight “A’s” due to his father guaranteeing the school principal a big return on his investment in Chump University, Ronald had been handed everything to this point in life, but was still left unsatisfied, and now is running for school president.   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki

Book #13 LOL at the GOP - Volume 6: Orange Is the New Crazy (2016) What do you get when you cross an elderly overgrown Oompa Loompa with a child on steroids? The 2016 Republican presidential nominee, Donald Trump. Trump has taken his party and the country by storm as he smooth-talked his way past sixteen other candidates in the GOP primary by calling Mexicans rapists, mocking disabled reporters, and basically telling his next-door neighbors they're going to pay for a fence he wants to place around his own backyard. In this book, you'll read all about: Which state believes dentists provide abortions in addition to cleanings; whether or not Ben Carson thinks the Middle East includes the states of North Carolina and Virginia; why Ted Cruz appears to understand basketball about as well as sloths understand speed walking; as well as anything and everything that is Donald J. Trump. Yes, orange might be the new black in the world of Netflix, but orange has become the new crazy in the world of politics.   Books

Book #12 LOL at the GOP - Volume 5: You Can't Spell "Forgot to Take Their Crazy Pills" Without "Tea Party" (2014) A Tea Party may not sound crazy at first, but once the likes of Ted Cruz, Louie Gohmert, and Steve King show up at the door, it will make any frat party look tame in comparison. This level of craziness is on full display in Craig Rozniecki's twelfth book, LOL at the GOP - Volume 5: You Can't Spell "Forgot To Take Their Crazy Pills" Without "Tea Party." In this book, read all about: One Tea Partier's claim that abortion leads to global warming, Donald Trump's attempt to sue Bill Maher over an orangutan joke, Representative Steve Stockman's endorsement from a dead person, and so much more! Not only that, but this book answers all the tough questions, such as: Does President Obama hate white people, even though he's part white himself?; Did Gandhi carry guns with him on peaceful marches?: Do cookies make up for the stripping of women's rights?; and more!   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozn

Book #11 The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck - Volume 2: The Wisecracks Continue (2014) Want something cheap which will make you laugh like you're on nitrous oxide, feel as high as a kite shaped like a marijuana plant, and drunk, while still being completely legal? Then grab yourself a bottle of whiskey and read this book, The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck - Volume 2: The Wisecracks Continue. In this book, Craig Rozniecki - author of The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck and the LOL at the GOP series - goes in-depth with more topics than an obsessive mathematician would care to count, which include: What passing bills would be like if Congress was drunk, where narcissists can go for dating (besides a mirror), why saying "just sayin'" is kind of annoying, how there can be such a thing as a germaphobic nymphomaniac, and more! So, go on, grab that bottle of whiskey, sit back, and laugh harder than a dentist nicknamed "Dr. Chuckles," while reading Rozniecki's tenth book, The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck - Volume 2: The Wisecracks Conti

Book #10 The Kind-Hearted Smartass - Volume 2: The Wisecracks Continue (2014) Want something cheap which will make you laugh like you're on nitrous oxide, feel as high as a kite shaped like a marijuana plant, and drunk, while still being completely legal? Then grab yourself a bottle of whiskey and read this book, The Kind-Hearted Smartass - Volume 2: The Wisecracks Continue. In this book, Craig Rozniecki - author of The Kind-Hearted Smartass and the LOL at the GOP series - goes in-depth with more topics than an obsessive mathematician would care to count, which include: What passing bills would be like if Congress was drunk, where narcissists can go for dating (besides a mirror), why saying "just sayin'" is kind of annoying, how there can be such a thing as a germaphobic nymphomaniac, and more! So, go on, grab that bottle of whiskey, sit back, and laugh harder than a dentist nicknamed "Dr. Chuckles," while reading Rozniecki's ninth book, The Kind-Hearted Smartass - Volume 2: The Wisecracks Continue.   Boo

Book #9 LOL at the GOP - Volume 4: Guns, Jesus, Corporations, and Fetuses (2014) What do you get when a group of people worships a non-violent individual and guns in the same breath while believing businesses and unborn beings should have more rights than women, minorities, and homosexuals? According to author Craig Rozniecki and his eleventh book, it's the modern-day Republican Party. In LOL at the GOP - Volume 4: Guns, Jesus, Corporations, and Fetuses, Rozniecki answers the following questions: Is it wise to run a marathon with a gun?; can stroking horses "cure" people of homosexuality?; do liberals talk about abortion while in the shower?; and many others. Not only that, but in this book, Rozniecki plays the undeclared Fox News game "The Three Degrees of Benghazi," has some fun with the GOP's Obamacare-paranoia, and even goes so far as to refute Louisiana Republicans' belief that President Obama was more to blame for the poor Hurricane Katrina response than former President George W. Bush. So, sit back,

Book #8 LOL at the GOP - Volume 3: Guns Don't Kill, Cars Don't Drive, and Ovens Don't Bake (2013) This just in - two volumes of political satire poking fun at the Republican Party is not nearly enough. At the rate the GOP is going, 222 volumes may not be enough. That brings us to LOL at the GOP - Volume 3: Guns Don't Kill, Cars Don't Drive, and Ovens Don't Bake. In it, author Craig Rozniecki answers the following questions: Are spoons, credit cards, & ping-pong balls as dangerous as guns? Do guns, churches, breakfasts, & library books have so much in common they may match one another on EHarmony.com? Is it more deadly to shoot fictional characters with a toy gun in a video game than it is to shoot people with an actual gun in real life? Also, with this book, learn all about: Why it's more moral for former South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford to cheat on his wife than it is for a gay couple to get married, why conserving the environment is such a turn-off for conservatives, & what House Speaker J

Book #7 LOL at the GOP - Volume 2: 47% Awesome 100% of the Time (2013) He's back!!! In light of his success with LOL at the GOP, which prompted him to be featured on a political radio talk show, and the fact the election year provided him with so much material it made billionaire hoarders jealous, author Craig Rozniecki decided it would have been criminal to not write a second volume. LOL at the GOP - Volume 2: 47% Awesome 100% of the Time is Rozniecki's seventh book overall. In it, Rozniecki does the following: Provides Republicans with more excuses on why they lost the election; gives them advice on how to reach out to voters whom aren't old, white, and male via personal ads; presents an infomercial for Romnesia; goes in-depth about a pro-life Republican who is also pro-death penalty for kids; and much more! Yes, with LOL at the GOP - Volume 2: 47% Awesome 100% of the Time, prepare to laugh some of the time all of the time! Potential side effects from reading the book include: An increase in IQ, strange d

Book #6 LOL at the GOP (2012) Many people may be coy when touching the subject of politics, but in this book - LOL at the GOP - author Craig Rozniecki not only touches it, he grabs a hold of, caresses and rocks its world to the point where he may be charged and sent away for a while. In his sixth book, Rozniecki penetrates deeply into the following: What Mitt Romney's best pick-up lines are at bars, if it's true that the Ku Klux Klan endorsed Barack Obama for president, what a conversation might sound like between hard-core Republicans and Jesus, how many whoppers Rush Limbaugh has both told and eaten, and much more. LOL at the GOP is the perfect book for liberal and moderate readers, as well as conservative pyromaniacs. It's filled with more facts than a comic strip and more one-liners than you'd find at a Charlie Sheen party. So get the book, get the facts and get ready to LOL at the GOP!   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.co