I Feel Snitty with Craig Rozniecki

"Weirdos" (to the tune of David Bowie's "Heroes") You, you speak and tweet “I am completely free!” Then threaten to kill a blue jay You can tweet that, but may still pay You can be weirdos, but may still pay   And you can see movies At a theater down the road You shout the wrong trivia answers Mumble about all the trailers Then threaten to light the place on fire But only you get burned that day You can be weirdos, well, but with exceptions Don’t be cray   You can fly in a plane Like the snakes, snakes that fly on a plane You can talk, bark, and hiss as much as you want With the exception you start shouting, “BOMB!” Yeah, you can be weirdos, but may still pay   You, you speak and tweet “I am completely free!” Then threaten to kill a blue jay You can be weirdos, but may still pay You can be schmucks, but may still pay   Nothing is absolute (absolutely) Not even freedom (nor freedumb) Ask law enforcement and physics (cops and physics) Not to mention suspicious girlfriends (yes, al

"Violins" (to the tune of Live's "I Alone") Was handed everything in life Only worked when on the toilet That may be gross but it is true He has never told a non-lie Gets away with crime after crime His followers think he’s a god As soon as something doesn’t go his way He cries into the night, “I’m an alpha-male!” Looks into cameras and whines, “Life isn’t fair!”   Violins for you Violins in tune Violins for you Your snowflake tears have melted Violins for you Violins in tune Violins for you   Was handed all the things in life Only worked when eating some fries Cheated on every person he knew He has never told a non-lie Just as his election loss is clear Looks into cameras and whines, “Life isn’t fair!”   Violins for you Violins in tune Violins for you Your snowflake tears have melted Violins for you Violins in tune Violins for you Violins for you Violins in tune Violins for you   Oh, looks like he committed fraud Only death can save him now “Millions” in cash and assets

"I've Got Some Morning Wood" (to the tune of Herman's Hermits' "I'm Into Something Good") Woke up this morning peeing high It shot up straight into my eyes Knew I should have sat and pushed but instead I stood, oh no Something tells me I’ve got some morning wood (something tells me I’ve got some morning)   He’s the kind of guy who’s not too shy Tries to get through my briefs all the night I get up and feel cold by my manhood (it’s quite fricking cold by my manhood) Something tells me I’ve got some morning wood (something tells me I’ve got some morning)   Always seemed to have a mind of his own Whether I was in a group or all alone If a pretty girl was near (he’d always rise and say, “I’m right here”) He’d always rise and say, “I’m right here”   Went out that morning and walked around After the door was closed, he wouldn’t look down Neighbors pointed at me and gasped, and then I understood (they pointed at me, gasped, and I understood) Something tells me I’ve got some morning wood (something

Musician and man voted least attractive human person in a trailer park that goes by the name Meth-heads – Kid Rock, has released a new track so deplorable, I felt the need to dissect it. Here is my take on the man-baby's latest tune, "We the People."   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki

"World Ain't Round" (to the tune of Muse's "Won't Stand Down") I went on the web, to find some depth, to my tinfoil-hat conspiracies I know that I’m right, so let me try, to fit this square peg in a circle Your science is wrong, I heard in a song, written by a voice in my head So back to YouTube, with some scary dude, calls himself GeniuserThenAll   I went on the web, to find some depth, on what I always want to be true I know that I’m right, so let me try, to go and prove that which can’t be proved Your science is wrong, I heard in a song, sung by voices in my head So back to YouTube, with some scary dude, who appears to be on something   World ain’t round It’s just way longer World ain’t round A hoax is Armstrong World ain’t round Greeks photoshopped five-thousand years ago   The moon is fake, so the landing was staged, just close your eyes at night to see Illuminati, to rule all that is free, of course led by Lady G In Roswell there were probes, green men said, “Disrobe!,” just watch al

"The Wrong Side" (to the tune of The Killers' "Mr. Brightside") Heading to ICU They think they’re doing just fine Getting a tube pushed down ‘Cause they can’t breathe at all It all started with a sniff Was like their nostrils kissed, but It was only a sniff It was only a sniff They just came back from church Decided to get weird They were both still virgins And just learned abstinence So they got into bed Too prude to kiss, so they Went nostril to nostril And they started to sniff Hard They transferred COVID Hard With no shot Without med school Without degrees Know more than doctors Immunity Achieved with bleach, not vaccines Lights in butts – the way to go Unless there’s horse dewormer They’ll forever be viewed Unkindly by history Shouting “FREEDOM!” as they die Yeah, they’re on the wrong side   They’re heading to ICU They think they’re doing just fine Getting a tube pushed down ‘Cause they can’t breathe at all It all started with a sniff Was like their nostrils kissed,

The latest GOP-bogeyman is none other than CRT or Critical Race Theory. In this episode, I dissect the misinformation being spread by the Republican Party regarding the decades-old theory; provide a history lesson on it; and conduct a top ten list on things stupid angry white parents will protest in the future.   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki

Green Bay Packers quarterback and guy voted most likely to coin the phrase "There's no 'team' in 'me,'" Aaron Rodgers ignorantly compared his fight against COVID mandates to Martin Luther King's fight for civil rights. To further accentuate said ignorance, I decided to recreate MLK's "I Have a Dream" speech, where Rodgers talks about his selfishly prickish battle against vaccines.   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki

Did you hear the one about when a liberal white guy watched every Dave Chappelle Netflix-special and recorded a podcast about it? No? Then click on the link...   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki

What do NBA stars LeBron James, Bradley Beal, and Kyrie Irving all have in common? Tune into this episode to find out. I'll give you a hint: rhymes with "HOVID."   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki

"Mikey's On Crack" (to the tune of Sir Mix-A-Lot's "Baby Got Back") OMG, Karen, look at his eyes They are like so dilated The pupils are like so round They’re like those big, bouncy things - basketballs I can’t look at him, ‘cause I’m scared Like more scared than I was when I watched “Gremlins” I mean, his eye things are so big And not to be racist, but they’re like really black too Like thick mol(e)-asses He’s just so whacked   He smokes the rock and he always lies His pillow, he hides it inside When he goes to bed at night, he pulls it out and then Tries to light up, but misses His wig now on fire, he freaks out ‘Cause he thinks a rat’s in the house He tells it to go away ‘Stead of pouring water its way He starts throwing his pillows at it And then screams, “Oh, sh*t!” Thought rocks were still in the case Even though they were in front of his face So, what’s he do now? Call Blue Lives Matter peeps for aid? Naw He goes and lights up Using his rat-hairpiece for help It’s all good a

"Want Him to Fix My Ride" (to the tune of Bon Jovi's "Wanted Dead or Alive") My car broke down; it won’t even turn on Told the mechanic would know what to do He’s been doing it for thirty some odd years So I went to Bob, who’s much cheaper   He’s a florist Got roses at half price I want him to fix my ride Want him to fix my ride   Saw it on Facebook; it has to be true That the mechanic turns cars into big brown shoes I can’t take the risk; shoes don’t have engines, wheels, or tires Need someone who knows petals; I know just the guy   He’s a florist Got roses at half price I want him to fix my ride Want him to fix my ride   Flower petals Yeah   Yeah, he’s a florist Got roses at half price I want him to fix my ride   He’s got no experience; thinks axles are hatchets But he’s better than elitist mechanics He tells me what I want to hear, right or wrong Put the car in a vase; water it; watch it grow   Yeah, he’s a florist Got roses at half price I want him to fix my ride Yeah,

"They Would Do Anything For Trump (But They Won't Do That)" (to the tune of Meat Loaf's "I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)" And they would do anything for Trump They’d inject disinfectants, yeah They would do anything for Trump Naked, they’d jump into the Grand Canyon   But they’ll never save themselves with a little poke A poke or two And they would do anything for Trump But they won’t do that No, they won’t do that   Anything for Trump Chant, they would do anything for Trump They would do anything for Trump But they won’t do that No, they won’t do that   They’d back the blue into buildings With a flagpole that reads “TRUMP” While shouting, “BLUE LIVES MATTER!” And yet killing some in the process They’d dress like Confederates And protest democracy Doing this in the name of white supremacy Snowflakes fall   Trailer-trash aplenty Some yellow teeth a-missing Overalls a-dirty First- and second-cousins a-kissing   Not having a thought in their noggins Loudly shou

"Blinded By the Right" (to the tune of Manfred Mann's "Blinded By the Light") Blinded by the right Trumped up like a douche, without an honest bone in sight Blinded by the right Trumped up like a douche, without an honest bone in sight Blinded by the right Trumped up like a douche, without an honest bone in sight   Chanting “FREEDOM!” again Being told what to say, what to believe, and how to vote The speaker – the leader, heard from a ghostly savior “Science is a damn hoax!” “Just read Galatians, Philippians, Two Corinthians” Prayer always the answer Reaction just when inaction becomes action “Groundhog Day” for the 12th time this year “Groundhog Day” for the 12th time this year   They were so blinded by the right Trumped up like a douche, without an honest bone in sight Blinded by the right Trumped up like a douche, without an honest bone in sight Blinded by the right Trumped up like a douche, without an honest bone in sight Blinded by the right Trumped up like a douche, without an h

"Supermassive Maskholes" (to the tune of Muse's "Supermassive Black Hole") Dumb f*ckers, it just takes a second Dumb f*ckers, can’t you put them on? This isn’t some rocket surgery It isn’t even tic-tac-toe   Ugh You make the Jesus cry You make the Jesus cry   Airborne germs entering your system You shouldn’t have made out with that stranger’s old smartphone Airborne germs entering your system You shouldn’t have made out with that stranger’s old smartphone   Here you thought you could fool everyone Dumb f*ckers, you just fooled yourselves While flexing your minuscule muscles You get hooked to a ventilator   You make the Jesus cry You make the Jesus cry   Airborne germs entering your system You shouldn’t have made out with that stranger’s old smartphone Airborne germs entering your system You shouldn’t have made out with that stranger’s old smartphone   Supermassive maskholes Supermassive maskholes Supermassive maskholes Supermassive maskholes   Airborne germs entering your syst

"Get Vaxxed" (to the tune of David Bowie's "Let's Dance") Get vaxxed Put on a band-aid and go get laid Get vaxxed For doing what was right – a first in your life Get poked It’s been a while – way too long Get poked Meds penetrating deep in your soul   If you get shot I’ll scream for you Oh, if you get jabbed I’ll moan ‘Cause the needle wants you Your arm – get deep into Veins start popping up at its touch Orgasmic experience   Get vaxxed Get vaxxed You’ll never feel better Get vaxxed Will be smokin’ after Get poked A smile will light up your face Get poked Onlookers will see your glow, know you got laid   And if you get shot I’ll scream for you Oh, if you get jabbed I’ll moan ‘Cause the needle wants you Your arm – get deep into Veins start popping up at its touch Orgasmic experience   Get vaxxed Put on a band-aid and go get laid Get poked Onlookers will see your glow, know you got laid Get vaxxed Get vaxxed Get vaxxed, vaxxed, vaxxed   Books https://www.amazon.co

"Ron's a Fascist" (to the tune of Live's "Lightning Crashes") Ron’s a fascist, he can’t help but lie His conscience thrown into the swamp Hundreds in Florida die He muddies himself up And gets ready to go on a Twitter rant   Ron’s a fascist, well, at least he tries His heart and soul thrown in the swamp Thousands in Florida die The mud that was on him Was actually nothing but his bullsh*t   Everyone sees it, Ron is a wimp Just compensating for a tiny dick He’s nothing more than a deplorable chicken sh*t We can see it   Ron’s a fascist, he can’t help but lie He can’t even put on a mask Hundreds in Florida die As COVID flies, into the hot, muggy air Ron walks on stilts, so big and high, high   Everyone sees it, Ron is a wimp Just compensating for a tiny dick He’s nothing more than a deplorable chicken sh*t We can see it We can see it   We all see it, Ron is a wimp Just compensating for a tiny dick He’s nothing more than a deplorable chicken sh*t We can see it   We all see it,

"They're Too Stupid" (to the tune of Right Said Fred's "I'm Too Sexy") They’re too stupid for the docs Too stupid for the docs Docs want them to get shot(s)   They’re too stupid for vaccines Too stupid for vaccines Afraid of herpes   And they’re too stupid for a mask Too stupid for a mask They put ‘em on their ass   And they’re too stupid for some logic Too stupid for some logic Making sense doesn’t make sense   They are Trumpers, don’t know how to think They just sit in their basements chanting slogans Yeah, chanting slogans, chanting slogans, yeah They just sit in their rooms chanting slogans   They’re too stupid for some meds Too stupid for some meds Except Viagra   And they’re too stupid for advice Too stupid for advice After itching from lice   They are Trumpers, don’t know how to think They just sit in their basements chanting slogans Yeah, chanting slogans, chanting slogans, yeah They forget the words while chanting slogans   They’re too stupid for all Too stupid for

"So Deplorable" (to the tune of EMF's "Unbelievable")   They hate all those who are different Either inside or out Even though everybody’s different But they don’t pick up on that fact They constantly claim they’re not racist Before telling racist jokes Thinking it excuses them and Then saying, “No offense” No defense Your nasty face Ugliness of your heart beats away Your nasty face You’re so deplorable   They hate all those who are equal In accordance with the law They stand for the anthem Wrapped in the flag and Fight what it represents Just wanting freedom for one Yet saying freedom for all Thinking it excuses them Then saying, “No offense” No defense Your nasty face Ugliness of your heart beats away Your nasty face You’re so deplorable   Living in the past Last in all their classes Bully their way to the top Use their flags to kill some cops Wanting privilege To be treated like the kings Get handed everything for free Refusing aid for those who went through slavery “

"Campaign Moral Coma" (to the tune of Oasis's "Champagne Supernova") When the dollars come storming in We throw singles at chicks named Sin We’re scamming all of you left and right Telling lies with no remorse Incite violence? Yes, of course We’re scamming all of you left and right   Press the power button Go to GOP’s site Our campaign moral coma will never die Press the power button Go to GOP’s site Our campaign moral coma Our campaign moral coma never dies   We shout bumper sticker slogans Rhymes that don’t make a bit of sense “Want a female friend? Talk to Mike Pence” Telling lies with no remorse Incite violence? Yes, of course We’re scamming all of you left and right   Press the power button Go to GOP’s site Our campaign moral coma will never die Press the power button Go to GOP’s site Our campaign moral coma Our campaign moral coma   Knocked out years ago The party’s conscience wrecked without a helmet We all now campaign night and day Holding Bibles; paying hookers; get